Only three words can resume this thing:

Oh. My. God.

Has to be... it's the... impressive... heck, i can't even find the right words! I honestly wouldn't be surprised to find that you're a real life author playing around with fanfic characters.

I mean... it's rare to find good Mystery, suspense fics that hold water. And this is a proverbial olympic pool!

The foreshadowing is excellent. The only possible way to do that is to write the whole thing unpublished (without comments and reviews to bloster your confidence) and to put it all up in one shot.

I wouldn't have the patience for that.

The characterization is spot-on. I especially enjoyed your Ryoko. She was a delight to read, honestly. And the Pretty Sammy elements... lol!

No, this is a wonderful piece. I highly reccomend it for anyone (who has enough patience to read it all _). It's amazing how easily you melded together apparently unconnected "episodes".

Is there a sequel? If so, put it up! _

~Akuma-sama, the demon lord

I've read this story several times on the TMFFA and now that it's here I can review it.

Except that Plug already said everything I wanted too...

Nice little additions to the story.

But,...weren;t you going to have a second part of this? I remember you telling me that before. Oh well real life must be taking up much of your time, I can understand that! Well e-mail me and we'll talk, dennisud

Wow. Now that was an excellent story! Overall, I loved it! I'm impressed that, with such a long tale, you kept the characters "in character" all the way. I first saw this on the old TMFFA site and read the whole thing over several months. I hope you'll post that sequel!

Keep writing!

M, chapter 1 Excellent Very very well written, keeping us in suspense... it kept me guessing...and my guess was right! But now I'm curious about what's going on... e.e' now to read the next chapter... good good... ::giggles::

hey :) I really really like your story. Its good enough that its worth those little spelling errors, and I think Tris is a great addition! If ya write a sequil, I hope you'll notify me :)

Yipes. Well, I'm finally finished. I've been reading this fic on and off since you first uploaded it on to the TMFFA and even started interacting at the AFC, which had to be almost a year ago. And, now, here I am... heh...

There is so much to comment on that I fear that this review will be somewhat inadequate. There were quite a few things that I didn't care for, quite a few things that I *really* didn't like, but all in all, at the end of the road:

This was really one hell of a story.

I guess I'll do the bad before the good. First, there were spelling errors that jumped out at me at least a couple of times a chapter. Most were correctly spelled, just not the word you wanted. This could've been remedied with an alpha/beta reader, I imagine. The worst was "Akeya", but that's mostly because I'm dumb and I think it's kinda funny. _ Okay, now on to the more 'personal' stuff.

For the love of God, man, cut back on the exclamation points. There were a couple parts of the story in which were flowing well, but turned into cheese due to excessive use of exclamation points when periods would've made the story much more powerful. Mainly in the prose. It just seems to make it less effective when there are non-introspective "!"'s all over the place.

Another thing. Now, we all know that Tris is a goofball. It was made evident within the first few chapters. However, you *really* didn't need to constantly hammer this point home every ten paragraphs. Yes, we understand that Tris did something that annoyed Kiyone, but she doesn't need to go "That goof!" EVERY DAMN TIME. It just felt like overkill. We got it the first time - after that, it just became painful.

On that note - Tris himself. My feelings for your SI (assuming it was one. I apologize if this is an incorrect assumption) fluctuated consistently throughout the duration of the fic. When I first started reading it, he annoyed the piss out of me, but I kept reading because it was so damn long. Eventually, after about five chapters, he grew on me. But, after a while, (particularly once the action really got going in the later parts) he started to annoy me again. I know people like him, people who make jokes at every little thing they come across. For the most part, they're pretty okay people, but they can annoy the crap out of me if I'm not in the mood. However, you had the Tenchi cast laugh at his jokes pretty much every time. Not to say that wouldn't happen, but to have you go "Tris said a joke, and they laughed" almost three dozen times a chapter grows agitating, especially when the story took a turn for the more serious in the later parts.

Next, dialogue. You and I write on almost opposite spectrums in this regard, so obviously - I'm biased on this one. It's an opinion thing, too, but I'll just make note of it. You do dialogue well, there's no arguing that. But you do it SO MUCH. It wouldn't be inaccurate to say that 80% of this story was dialogue, perhaps more. I sometimes left feeling blank as to more personal things, and it wasn't as vivid as it could have been, I think. But again, it's an opinion thing, as I have very little dialogue exposition, as the majority of my stuff is prose. So take this criticism with that in mind.

One thing about this point, too, is the final action scene that lasted for two whole chapters. It seemed so absolutely unrealistic and not *nearly* as believeable as it could've been. Why? Because of all the dialogue. There were so many times where the characters would break out in elogant trysts about stuff (Washu, in particular), and there would be questions, answers, and chatter - all during the conflict. This raises the question that I often ask when I flick by Sailor Moon: "What the hell is the villain doing while they're talking?"

Time doesn't stop for people to talk, so this liberty can only be streched so many times. You stretched it quite often in those chapters. While I do agree that the revelation of plot points was necessary, I think it could've been done in prose. It would've been a little more easy to swallow.

Okay! Now on to the good stuff. _

First, the obvious: You write the Tenchi cast DAMN well.

Every character was so in character for the entire thing - from Ryoko's distrust of Tris, all the way to Mihoshi's various idiosyncracies. This is what kept me in this story. The way you handled these characters was legendary, and it reminded me exactly what anime I was reading for. I don't think I've read a fic before where all of the characters come off as so "right" before. You deserve a hand for that, my man.

Next, the plot. While the whole thing was rather basic and very easy to follow (I had it figured out at about the tenth chapter), the pace at which you delivered it and the handling of all the elements was very good indeed. In particular, I was ALWAYS engrossed thoroughly with your Galaxy Police segments, as I found them to fascinating and probably the best "written" parts of the entire story. This was the absolute best portrayel of the Galaxy Police in Tenchi Fan Fiction, and I won't deny that it even topples Kajishima's version of it in GXP in every conceivable way. This was far, far more fascinating.

Next, the romance. Great! The Kiyo/Tris pairing was very well handled, and actually came off as *believable*, despite it's brevity, chronologically speaking. (It really only was a few weeks, after all. But even still.) I simply loved the way you handled the love triangle between Tenchi, Ryoko and Aeka. I don't know what to say other than it was so Tenchi, Ryoko and Aeka. Everything related to it felt right - even though it was still surprising and unexpected. Splended job.

Okay, now for my personal favorite part. I have to say, without question, the best part IMO was the last chapter. It really wrapped things up well, and made it feel TOTALLY Tenchi Universe. But not just that - it made me feel for Tris. The last segment, the hollow angst and misplaced feelings of uncertainty and the misgivings he harbored for himself were written so realistically, I could've sworn you were writing something out of my own life. The dull ache that you gradually built up to was fantastic, and you didn't undermine it by having him burst into tears "from all the pain and suffering", ruining it. Even from the most basic of glances at your writing it is obvious that you most certainly not an angst writer - but know that when you do it, you do it splendidly.

Well, that's about it. I can't possibly imagine how long it took you to write such a behemoth fic, but I certainly hoped you had a really fun time while you did. Damn, other than that ungodly lengthed Ah! My Goddess fic "Trial by Tenderness" (which clocks in at about 3 times the length of this... maybe just over that...), this has to be the longest fic I've ever seen. Definitely the longest I've ever read. Perhaps that's why it took me a whole year to do it. _

Good luck with the sequel, and thanks for writing such a magnificent story.

I love your story :) Really hoping you'll write that sequil.

This is one of the top 4 fanfics I've ever read, and I've read a hell of a lot. I'm fair looking forward to a sequal. Keep us posted.

God save me from multi-chapter marysue Self-insertion epics. Your style needs work. Cut out the SI, and cut down on the amount of dialogue exposition you do. There's WAY too much. A good edit could have done this story wonders. Good with flashes of potential, but lacks what it takes to make a story truely great.

Wow, great story!

Wow. Just got finished reading it - took me a few weeks, but I did it! GREAT story. Thanks for putting it up on - I would have to have missed out on such a wonderful tale.

Well finally finished with this stoy. As you know from my previous comments, i would say this was one of the best Tenchi Universe stories ahve had the pleasure of reading. I hope the sequal will be as good or better that this. Incidently, will you release this by chapter, or as a whole and completed story. i for one like the thought of getting a chapter every few days or weeks rather than read a whole novel. It keeps my always thinking of the storiy that way. By the way I have re-reads this severl times just to keep me happy about it.

Thanks again for writing this and hope to see more Very Soon!

dennisud

Hi, Again! Finally finished this Epic and here goes my final reivew.

In a short term Fantastic!

Now to the nuitty gritty.

First Since this is based on the TU continum, Tenchi does not have the option The Tenchi Muyo Group had of a Two -wife marriage. So he will have to choose.

Second Applause and akolades to the Tris/Kiyone Pairing, and Hope to see the Wedding in your next Epic.

Third, The Nobuyuki/Washu Pairing is great with one Question?

Can this Washu change her appearence like the Tenchi Muyo Washu?

I mean geeze she looks like a 12 year old in both series so hopefully that could be woked on.

Finally, Please have someone come into Mihoshi's life please she is other than Sasami the most likeable character in the series and as I have said before she's been given the Shaft through out the series when it comes to boys. First losing Tenchi, then Tris. Please i call on you to either Add another ACC, or crossover a compatible character for another Anime series .

Finally, I like the idea of Nagi working for Ayeka, and How Ayeka is becomeing more of an Empress as such.

An idea would be that foe whomever doesn't get Tenchi, Why not use Sagami (You know the one that helped them get through the Checkpoint in the TV series at the request of Ayeka's Uncle) as a new love/Friendship interest for them. Maybe even Mihoshi!

Well please e-mail me when you publish you second epic. I can't wait to see the dust settle after The King and Queen get involved!

dennisud

Hi, again! I just completed Chapter 15. I can see that this Professor Klove. Obviously he's a Comatose Villan (Like a certain Cowboy Bebop Episode with a similsr plot).Well I do, and I mean really do Like the Nobuyuki/Washu Pairing. You introduced it slowly calmly and well. I hope that develops properly. Now to a nit-pic I have.

Why can't Mihoshi have a break here. I can see Tris is Kiyone's. But what about Mihoshi? One of the biggest peeves I have through out ALL the Tenchi series and Movies is the utter lack of Respect Mihoshi gets.

Now I would hope you will in future chapters and series give Mihoshi her due and give her a nice caring boy to fill that characters heart .I't just too much to see how you write her and she just is left alone romatically.

Well sorry for the rant but it had to be said, and I hope all you out there write Mihoshi better and give her a shot.

dennisud