Amazing story so far. I'm excited to see how this will end. I hope you continue with it since I know I'm not the only one who's enjoying it. P.s. I loved the sign bit.

ERRRG. I have to go w/out this, possibly, for a few weeks? Gah!

Amazing, by the way. Simply amazing xD

MORE!

Nice.

Good so far, can't wait for more!

i like how this story is going so far.i would luv 2 keep up w/it!it's pretty good so far!plz plz plz update soon.

~emeralgreenlove

loved it!

What? Only one chapter?

this story is good keep writing

this story is good keep writing

jmwt

well, i liked it. the weird thing is i can't find chapter 2...

It wasn't pathetic! Not perfect, but not bad either. It's pretty good for your first fanfic.

You had a few errors here and there. Some of the thoughts should be italicized. That's what most authors to do. If you don't italicize it, then you put quotation marks around, as if they were talking. Your title should be capitalized. And, I'm sorry to say that the start of this didn't really grab my attention. But that's just me.

Sometimes, I think Amy stutters too much. I know she stutters when she's nervous, but she doesn't stutter every word. Usually, she only stutters the first word or so. But don't worry! That's a common mistake. A lot of people do that in their fanfics! Also, when Amy says O-k-a-y, is she stuttering it or spelling it out?

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm only pointing out the bad things. There were many good things, too. This story seems to have a really good storyline and you did a fantastic job with grammar and spelling!

So sorry that I'm being so critical. I'm sure that plenty of people enjoyed this fanfic. I did. I just wanted to point out your mistakes so you can improve. I'm looking forward to what happens next! Good luck and Update soon!

Your title needs to be capitalized. It's the lead into the story, and seeing it un capitalized is a definite turn off. Also, it is rather long, and doesn't make as much sense, or awake the senses and encourage the reader to continue, as it should have.

Your first two lines could be combined into one. It makes it hard for the reader to read.

Yes. You're going to London. Of course "he" is going to be there. Again and again, we see Amy obsessing with a certain Ian Kabra. Perhaps you can consider that throughout the books, she is constantly running into him, and is probably aware that she will, due to the fact that their mother is her own personal stalker? Amy is less oblivious to these things.

And she is pretty definitely sure she hates him, I believe.

"Why the one place his sister was afraid of." The period should be replaced with a question mark. Also, I highly doubt that Amy is afraid of Ian. As we see in previous books, she is "over him" (as we are led to believe) and she has a lot less fear surrounding him.

And of course, he is at the airport. And Amy is stuttering. A word of advice is that you cut down on the stuttering (by a lot) and that you make her more cautious- she would not have followed him like that.

And finally, Amy and Dan under no circumstances trust the Kabras. They would never create an alliance with them; they would never agree to give them the clue. They're independent, and did Isabel not offer alliance' multiple times?

But this is your first fanfic. No, it is not pathetic! Your grammar is surprisingly well done, as is your spelling. But you have fallen into the void of cliché’s- Ian and Amy getting an alliance, Ian and Amy falling in love. Perhaps a little Dan/OC romance as well? That would be refreshing. All in all, I suggest you read a little more of the books to refresh yourself with who exactly Amy and Dan Cahill are and what decisions they would make, as to make your story more clear and save it from any more OOC cases. Your story does have potential, if you can train and train to make it better done.

Good luck.

-The Broken Pencil

It has a really good story-line- I'de LOVE to read more, please update. :)