erm... is this suposed to be fantasy or sci-fi warhammer? the crosbow confused me

Blocky block of block text is blocky.

Interesting beginning. i'm wondering where you'll take this. surprise me!:)

you do need to use more puunctuation, because it is very difficult to read, and more paragraph breaks. the change between peace and the fight took me by surprise, i hadn't even registered he was in a fight until well in because it was the same paragraph and it really confused me.

Learn how to write the English language.