And by doing that you made Rukia look like a complete moron. How could she has not see it coming ? How could she fall for that a second time, knowing it was going to happen ? It feels forced and artificial, you are trying too hard to stick to canon, it's rather disappointing.

you have a lot of spelling errors in this chapter I'll fix them and send you a p.m. with the repaired chapter

there is no chapter 6

excellent first chapter you have caught my interest just to let you know I'm a hard critic and if I find mistakes I will correct them would like it to know where I can send corrected chapters when finished

I like this so far

Well, this was a pleasant surprise. I do have some issues, but since you've already said you're rewriting it, I shall tread lightly. Ultimately, my main problem is pacing; things go by way too fast.

With that said, there are a number of things I found particularly intriguing. Ichigo and Rukia enlisting the help of certain trustworthy shinigami (I dislike the localization's term; "Soul Reaper," however accurate, just sounds wrong to me) was a nice touch, as was sparing Kaien. Speaking of whom, for the rewrite you should keep in mind some revelations from the otherwise-ridiculous Vandenreich arc, since it means Ichigo and Kaien are actually first cousins.

Giving Ichigo another sister via temporal shenanigans was a very interesting move. Ayumi manages to stand out without any Mary-Sue risks (helps that big brother would probably eat her alive in a direct clash). She's definitely a high point.

One other thing from the Vandenreich arc that you may want to take note of is Rukia actually attaining bankai.

Lastly, and I admit this is a minor note, I would hope you do something for poor Momo, if only in passing. She is, IMO, the most unjustly-bashed character in the series, and it would be nice to see her get on her feet.

Guess that's all. I shall have a look at the sequel.

I'd like to have a notification of when you put up the sequel, I really liked the last two books so I know I'll like the third

Awesome story! I feel like you rushed a bit here and there and renji would have known that Aiken was alive and the traitor already, remember? Also, there are a few moments in the first few chapters that are contradictory. Rukia already knows about stuff like orihime's brother because she experienced them too, remember? Also, how does chad saving ayumi make them best friends? I know it can't be the way it was with Ichigo, but I don't et how something like would make such a deep bond. Also, when's the next chapter coming out? Thanks for the awesome fanfic and I can't wait till your next update!

intriguing

OMG! Rukia might have a baby in the house soon! Anyways, please continue this soon!

I'll start reading when this gets BETAed. 'Til then, I'll keep an eye out.

i like this story iv read it like 100 times and its by far my favorite story next to until the day i die listen to your heart and he who protects if you haven't read thos i reckomend you read them there amazimg

Please PM me when the sequel is posted.. if it isn't already.
Awesome story.

aww i wanted to see what hi getsuga tensho would do to all of them in bankai i love seiing the hollows blow up

this is strange on so many levels your lucky its almost impossible to covuse me or i would a stopped reading this story a long time ago and whens ichi-san gonna meet his sister because i am having a very hard time working phyics in to this story according to those laws and the laws of time travel ichi-san should be dead or created a realitly warping time paradox or have destroyed that fundamental structure of the very universe an reset history eraseing him altogether from existence ripping the space time continum's fabric and/or created a worm hole which would have knocked him in to a whole other and entirely different diamension and or world the time stream could even be differnet and the entire solar system galaxy and universe could or would be compleatly different and altogether reset his memories for him to relive life as a female or as a normal Homosapien being with out a drop of reiatsu altering time holds many thing that are pros and cons and i belive it was Sir Newton's 3rd law that states "For every action there is and always will be a positive and negitive reaction" so it shall most likely lead to mass chaos and utter destruction all do to the single whip lashes effect thank you for your time and i am truely and deeply sorry if after taking up your precious time i have given you a mind melding headache

- DRAGON