This suck XP! You should know Mona has a crush on Wario, and Wario on Mona; so don't pair her with stupid OCs [

There are many comma mistakes here and there. It's just... misplaced. They're saying everything very quickly, and the happenings are to quickly, seeing how it didn't explain that Mona secretly had a crush on him in the beginning, but when he just entered the pizza store, she suddenly did have a crush.

Sure, this is good, and it's way above mediocre, but it's about to fall off the average section. Your choice of words are awesome, but with this type of grammar, some of these awesome things will be very confusing to people who don't read often.

I'm expecting more to come, so I'll subscribe this story for now.