This entire story has terrible grammar. It's like a Gacha Life video posted by a non-native English speaker!

The grammar is terrible but It’s a good story. Just wrk on your grammar.

I like how this fanfic is going so far

Okay, is it just me or has your grammar gotten even worse. I don't want to be mean, but please tell me English isn't your first language. If it is, I'd expect better.

This writing can be considered understandable, but the structuring... it's just painful to read.
For example;
"Why he dare to do everything for her? He really cares for her."
What the hell is that supposed to mean? (For the record, I know what it is supposed to mean).
Using dare like that makes it more confrontational, as if he (Danny) did something wrong.
It should be something like;
"Why would he do something like that for her, [ANYONE] wondered? He must really care for her."
Unless from a person's perspective, I'd advice against using questions like you did.
OR
"He must really care for her. Why else would he give himself up to the Guys in White like that."
This is a better one grammatically, and more specific and suited to the situation.

Please note, this is not a flame, but honest criticism I hope you can use to improve.

Okay, I tried to give this a chance, but it's just terrible. Your writing style is jumpy and leaves much to be imagined, and the plot is... it's crap. You're saying his parents wouldn't have fought for him? His friends? What about the others at his school? If you look at Reality Trip, you'll see that they are willing to do that (his schoolmates at least, I haven't seen the rest). And why wouldn't he just fly off after they let Dani go. It's not like he cares for peoples opinions very much (he is the loser Danny Fenton, a near-complete social pariah). Although I get what you're going for, you need to work on your execution of your ideas.

I'll probably read through this completely, and I hope it gets better, but my expectations are low if this the standard by which you are writing the rest of this story.

I love your story and the plot but your grammar is horrible pls work on that ... I am afraid to get use to the wrong grammar if I keep reading the story...

SEQUELLLLLLLL!

a lot of grammar errors punctuation errors spelling errors. also, you should elaborate on the sentences, they're all too short.

Please do a sequal! I need to know what happens :)

EVIL YOU MUST DO A SEQUEL(though maby get a beta for that first no offense but I was litteraly cringeing 'cause of some of your grammatical errors I mean you even screwed up tenses TENSES!)

I read this ages ago and forgot to Fav it so I couldn't find it and now I did so I'm like *fangirl squeal*

It's just a theory. A HALFA Theory, thanks for reading!

okay, you need god. Srsly, the plot is good, just work on your grammar

It.. It can't end there... Can it?
H-How... How dare the Guys in White?! And.. Danny lost his memory?!
Pleeeeeaaaasseeee tell me you made a sequel! It can't all be over like that..!
But really.. This was amazing.. If you ever got to a sequel and I haven't seen it, please, someone do let me know.

fuck you you magnificent bastard