Questa storia fa veramente cagare, impara a scrivere per favore.
Appena ho letto il primo capitolo ho capito che fai schifo a scrivere. Per favore chiedi a qualcuno di aiutarti a correggerti in modo che tu possa scrivere meglio.

Sorry writer but this story is not the best I have seen I can see where you are going with this but you get ahead of yourself and often forget to add work but your idea is cool though

Sorry writer but this story is not the best I have seen I can see where you're trying to go but you get ahead of yourself and often forget to add words inside and also this story is kinda confusing sorry but the idea you had is cool though

Beta believe it

i was cringing at every line in these chapters WTH ' hey this is my husband' we are not on some crappy reality show #just saying...

Is this Bree the ome changed by Ryan and Victoria?
Sorry, I had to ask becouse I don't wanna imagine a different one.
Kisses

There are eight of us. Walter our dad, Iredessa our mom, Kennett my big brother, Demetria my big sister and Kent's wife, Alec my husband, and then me

Am I counting wrong?

Walter 1 Iredessa 2 Kennett 3 Demetria 4 Alec 5 Bella 6... where are 7 and 8

What can I say? Umm, it seemed like it was written by a hyper-active Alice. Seriously gave me a headache.

well that was retarted CHEERLEADING? really woww laame

kul story

DAMN, GIRL.

Were you trying to create a Mary-sue character? Or are you just that obtuse and simple-minded to not realize you created one?

First of all, Demi, your writing is absolutely abysmal, your grammar is horrible to look at and your punctuation is no better than the rest. There is such a thing as spell check. I implore you to learn the difference between 'they're', 'their' and 'there'. It's honestly not that hard, princess, you could learn it in ten minutes flat.

Your introduction to 'Bella' is neither realistic nor favorable in my opinion. She's a faerie, she's beautiful, she doesn't look that different from normal Bella, she's higher on the food chain, yet she's almost equal to the vampires in all abilities. It just doesn't match up and makes no sense what-so-ever. Obviously, you've glorified Bella and deemed her 'important' in this fan fiction. Which leads me to the powers she has. I can control all the elements! I can travel to a place just by thinking its name! I can read minds and manipulate and control them! I can see the future! I can read emotions! And ooh, look! I can shit out a puppy! - YES, SHE'S A MARY-SUE.

Honestly, this story sucks. Big time. Your so-called "faerie" doesn't seem very believable and as soon as I read the first chapter, I left a review and clicked the back button. Because, believe me, I'm probably not the first person to laugh at this story and think the author must be obtuse. Please, revise some of your ideas and look it over.

And do your research. This story would be so much better if you had done a better job on researching faeries. Faeries do not sparkle in the sun, and while they hold some magical element to them, they cannot use all those powers you described. The way you compare faeries to vampire is overrated, you glorify the faeries. Faeries, as some people know, have an unnatural beauty to them and do not look human. They have human aspects to them, sure, but they change the way the look, using a glamour. They retain some of their original form. Obviously, it seems you've made these faeries up yourself, which is a big turn-off.

Frankly, I could care less about this story being your first fan fiction, that is no excuse for sloppy and crappy work. Get yourself a beta-reader who will look over your story and spot both grammar and punctuation mistakes. There are plenty who are willing, all you have to do is ask.

- Kai

Ok love this entire story and the plot is amazing!Please keep writing!

I liked it, bu I thought it wouldve been funny if they liked everyone but Edward! LoL Just telling you my opinion!

Update update!

I think Bree n Bella should be really close friends like rora n Bella and rose and Bella and Ali n Bella n u get my point hehehe

hahahahha! I love this story! It 'tis to funny! I love you!

XOXOXOXOX

GinnyWeasleySnape