As you say, it's not really a good vs evil story, which is what Fidelis seems to come to terms with at the end. The ending is pretty open though. In a way, he represents what you, as the player character in the games, can end up doing.

It seems as the Hist sap thing didn't come off as major a plot device as you imagined it to be? That's from my observation at least.

Interesting too how the extra chapter seems to make some references to future events which are mentioned in ES-V.

Great chapter. It's nice to see Densius making some headway with the locals. The Elsweyri perspective that keeps being presented is interesting - they look like a people who are chronically disposed to blame their difficulties and even faults on outside agents and the foreign devils. Constantly making excuses and refusing to take responsibility.

Perhaps it's representative of one of the real world's more recent occupation stories?

Nonetheless, it's progress to see Densius willing to rationalize some 'bad behavior' as a necessity. I read a ton, and this story stands out as the very best in character development.

On another note, I'm glad to see you're still sticking to this story. I'm glad that your story isn't some shitty romance, or a god-awful self insert (or one of those "14 year old playing xbox gets sucked into time portal and WOAH JEEPERS CREEPERS IM IN CYRODIIL?!").

Keep on writing brah.

Solid update. It seems like life in Elsweyr is becoming even more confusing for Densius, somehow. Altogether, great update.

Any plans for some strategic/plot-advancing chapters coming up? I'm keeping my fingers crossed for some more Thalmor devilry, or maybe the evolution of the Pelletine/Anequinas split /badger. All the same, keep on writing.

In retrospect, it's a little funny to have a character named Cicero, seeing as TES Cicero is now canonicaly a murderous jester.

Okay.

S'Azza's sudden appearance is a bit... I dunno... To sudden. I don't think the problem here is words, but formatting. A tiny bit more describing the family, then a blur, then maybe a new paragraph to show the damage. The result would be a little punchier IMO.

"Resistance!?" I shouted into the cosmos- I know this is supposed to be a dream, cosmos makes it sound like Densius is an astronaut. Which would be an awesome sequel, just sayin'.

I love the pundit, as always. The only little piece of input I would use would be to describe Do'Dara not as a "nationalist" (which carries mixed connotations), but "Patriot".

Then some pregaming for an operation, which is all fine enough.

A moment of respite for him at least. Especially since they recent events seem to have been affecting him more greatly.

Not enough time for a full, formal review, but my lack of reviews has been kinda sorta unacceptable, so I'll at least jot down a little.

If civilians are being robbed by robbers aren't the robbers technically civilians?

Hooray, saving kids. It's like Densius is actually in an RPG.

The "a lot of things said" about me line could've probably been used better. It wasn't quite as evocative or rich as it could have been. This is a Very Important Moment, so don't be afraid to milk it a little. Half-assed also is almost certainly the wrong word to use right after.

Going south for ol' Densius (when he said he loved the people of Torval like they were his children, I got this mental image of him running an orphanage)

Excellent chapter, as always, deusexfreak. Hope you've got some big shakeups coming soon.

It gives you that feeling that no matter how much he does, his actions will always be doubted. I wonder if that's starting to get to him though. From his thoughts, it seems that it is.

Wow, this a long one.

"Evil usurper" and "unjust power". Ahaha. Oh, Densius.

Fight scene isn't bad at all. "New colors" on the neck. That's a pretty nice turn of phrase.

Some varying problems with "in" words here. "In front" is two words, "intact" is one word.

Welp, Densius pretty much up and murdered him. That's pretty harsh. He's clearly changing by being blinded by his goal.

"Hypothermal cloud"? I'm not crazy about that.

It is August? Really? And almost September? And I haven't reviewed since March?

Really?

Woah.

Anywho. Skimmed the last couple chapters, but I'll leave a review for this one.

Forewarning: I used to keep the review window open as a read a chapter, writing down thoughts as I had them. Now I need to scroll up and down. Forgive me if I miss anything. I hate progress. Three hurrahs for reactionaries!

3 The Fourth Era Pundit. I might just need to steal it one of these days.

"organs eviscerated" as Densius thinks of combat. I dunno if the word works. The idea in his head seems so immediate, and the word has enough syllables that the sentence becomes a little less punchy.

The Mane is, outwardly, a pretty decent bro, but I'm thinking that perhaps there's a little more darkness to him than Densius is picking up on.

"A Cyrodiil." Are you sure Densius wouldn't be calling himself an Imperial?

Densius is so jingoistic that it's sort of adorable.

Iron golem? Are there iron golems in TES? I dunno.

Small typo off the bat-"aveil" for "avail". I normally don't care too much for pointing out typos, but that seems like you thought that was the way to spell it. That happens sometimes-a friend of mine wrote "all be it" as opposed to "albeit" until Junior year of college.

Also, the Latinist in me is going to give a super fun grammar lesson. "The words that had flown between the foreign guerrillas and I" should actually be "The words that had flown between the foreign guerrillas and me." Strange, I know, especially with modern schooling which almost always insist that we use I instead of me when it's linked to another noun with an and. But here the first person pronoun is working as an indirect object, and thus should be me.

Quiet, I need to use my Latin sometimes.

Death by electrocution? Seems a little... Modern for my tastes at first, but if there's shock magic in TES, sure, why not.

It looks like Densius' pack is continuing to realize just how big their ambitions are, and how hard it will be to achieve them. I liked Collects-Rock's misunderstanding on how deep in they really are.

So, it looks like Densius is starting to get a little jaded, and increasingly violent. I'm curious as to where this character arc will end up-how many chapters left do you have in mind?

Okay, I'm going to cheat and jump straight to 38. I figure you'd want feedback on the most recent chapter, anyway.

Second ppg was a little confusing. How do "arbitrary" Cyrodiilic standards make the Mane's district seem strange?

"We had not dressed up, my reasoning being that an honest look, representing how we clothed ourselves in day to day operations, would be more noble than expensive adornments that glorified unnecessary expenditures in a time of war" Hah hah. Hah. Hah. Oh Densius. He's so precious.

I feel that the meeting with the Mane... How should I put this... It could have had more gravity to it. This is supposed to be a fated hour, but I feel like you could have built up a little anticipation. A lot of the chapter seems fillerish, which isn't exactly what you want. It's hard to describe: each sentence should be prepping the reader for the Mane at an emotional and instinctive level, and the first half of the chapter dosen't really deliver that.

Second half was better, but chose your words carefully, too-"Fateful feline" sounded a little bit narmy.

Can Densius sucessfully negotiate with the Mane? Well, seeing that the Mane is a savvy leader and Densius still has a little naivity that can be beaten out of him, I'm guessing no. Time will tell.

The courier really reminds me of how the couriers in Skyrim seem to find you no matter what.

While Fidelis seems to be happy enough to do the talking, his companions don't seem to share that sentiment. Have to wonder why.

Densius becomes a pamphleteer. I like it.

True to the pitch, there are a lot of words here, in the "stuff that has been written in-universe" way.

Never, ever use utilize. It literally dosn't do anything different than 'use'. I, and most editors I've met, dislike it.

The Thalmor. The Fourth Era Pundit is finally right. Although the rest of the Pundit seems a bit too modern. I feel like I'm reading a modern newspaper, while TES stuff was always a little sensationalistitc.

I like how you ended it, though. Nothing has really gone well for Densius, but he's still so gung-ho about this. You just like kicking him around, huh?

Fidelis seems like an aspiring writer, but what happened to his thought about getting on the good side of the people before asking for a pardon for Rocks? I'm pretty sure he shouldn't expect people to believe his group off the bat. That might come round to backfire on them, it seems.

I think this chapter's scene kind of resembles raiding one of the multiple bandit camps in Skyrim heh.