I don't want to be too harsh but I felt that this poem didn't really have much of a sense of rythme or maybe I just didn't get it. Also how can you go through the story of Shion and not mention Lazlo. He was incredably important to Shion's life long feeling of abandonment. And, little thing, but I believe Shukiado was a Doctor not a Chemist. But I do see where you were going and I think with a little practice you could make this poem much better.

Wooo, I loved it.

I don't usually read in English. I find it somewhat tedious but it was worth it. Is sad and leaves a nostalgic feeling like a quite cold pain in the heart... as all history of Shion.

Congratulations!

Really, you give me reasons to read more in another language.