way to jumpy it doesnt flow

beautifully short and sweet. leaves you on your toes and is descriptive enough to be good, yet not a quick shag. though i dont know what overall theme is. dunno. make it longer, or add more to it. your style is good and thorough, but i cant feel like i missed the point of the story. enlighten me if im just being blond. _ sides that, like it! write more!

Oh wow. *nomnomnom* I loved it! Especially the end. For something so brief, it painted so many images. Very vivid, your decriptions were great.

great story i liked it