OMFG! Plz write more It's so awesome!

I really like it, even though it this chapter seemed quite rushed (Sorry...I sometimes tend to be a critic)

This is not a flame I assure you, but when you first posted this story I thought I would give it a chance, seeing as the storyline was okay and there might be the chance that my reccomendation to get a beta reader would help you improve but now that you're up to the fourth chapter I am half-convinced that you are a troll or just plain oblivious to your style of writing. I think that you should either delete this story, pay more attention in English or take Eva.N Waffles offer up to be your beta reader or take my offer as I am offering you right now. Please do not be discouraged by this because it has potential but if you ignore advice then you're going to get bad reviews.

Gasp! Bad Hector! No one turns off Matty-boys games!

O_O I. Can. Be. A. BETA! -lickz-

Yes...My grammar is terrible in my reviews, but! In my BETAing and stories I can be pretty good! And I work for free! But...Every beta works for free, right? O_o erm..Anyway

Smokes make him live longer? O_o oh well...Matt always gets his way -cackles- Um...I mean...I can't wait until the next chappy!

First of all...ow. Mine eyes doth hurt from reading that.
Secondly, spell checker. Use it, love it, never neglect it.
Third, you keep using words strangely. For example, '"I wonder what this is about" Mello said "oh well better get going" he counted'
Why the word counted? It makes no sense at all.
Fourth; for the love of all that is good and Holy, learn how to punctuate. 'Curious Matt' sounds like a children's storybook character; perhaps a cousin of Curious George.
Just...get a beta, learn how to write and make friends with your spellchecker!

Please continue! So short! D:

I don't think you can remove reviews unless they are anonymous...
But anyways, this was okay, considering it is your first story. When someone is speaking you make a new paragraph, though, just thought I'd tell you since most flamers pick at this when reviewing.
But altogether, an interesting idea for a story. Update soon.

It would be better if you used proper grammar and seperated the speech a little more so that it makes sense. Then this could be a good story. May I suggest you get a beta reader?
I'll suscribe because I am genuinely interested and I hope that you update soon.