amazing pls update soon and check out my fanfic after all this time i 4 chapters up

Please continue

I really like the plot in this story. It's a good start and follows what happens nicely.

I really don't like to sound like I'm so smart when it comes to writing, because, in truth, we all need help in some areas. I would say that you need to work on your punctuation. When someone says something (i.e. "...God!, you're like Ruth Gordon just standing there with the tannis root, make a noise,"...) You have to add who said it or let the reader infer who said it with dialogue. You could say: "'God!, you're like Ruth Gordon just standing there with the tannis root, make a noise,' Rory snapped"

The only other thing that I would change would be how you introduce characters. Such as Paris. I wouldn't just say she hates Rory I would add an example of why. Or just add their meeting scene even if you change it from the origional, this would introduce your characters without just saying it.

Keep up the good work (:

amazing story. :)

i like this story. keep doing what your doing

U should defintely write more and contine have Rory and Dean get married! Name them Lorelai Sophia aka Sophie and Stephanie Marie!

First off, kudos on the plotline. While I think that Rory wouldn't be foolish enough to get in this predicament in the first place, I do enjoy the drama that this plotline stirs up and encourage you to continue.

Now for the negative aspects. I apologize now if I happen to offend, but, for the record, you did ask for my honest opinion.

Anyways...

Your dialogue and paragraph structures are poor, and a tad repetitive in their exacution. Far too much of the following:

-Dean says, 'This.'

-Rory says, 'That.'

[repeat ad nauseam]

It makes the grammer freak inhabiting the back of my brain want to pee his pants in frustration.

Actually, that's my only real complaint. Take out the constant 'character says' if only two people are present after establishing that it's only them speaking, while throwing in a new character's name if they're cutting into the conversation.

Oh, add in some description of the character's facial expressions and physical traits sometimes, because it really helps flesh out the story.

Don't be afraid to mix it up abit sometimes as well. Take a few chances in the way you write. Try to stray from this rigid style you've established, because it's dangerously boring.

Christ, I just realized I'm giving you the same advice my grade eight english teacher gave me...never thought I'd see the day.

Anyhow, keep writing because practice helps one improve their skills.

Thanks for your time and I once again apologize if I offended.

Sincerely,

Miguel

Okay-what I said before: spellcheck, grammar proof, and structure for narration. Otherwise, it's a great idea so far!

ooooh Tristan coming back. Drama! :)

Your story ideas are excellent, but your sentence structure and dialogue need a lot of work. I recommend you get a beta. They will help you with your grammar and making sure the story flows. The stories are good but doing these things will help you. I suggest you take them down and have a beta reader look over them then repost once they've been fixed. Unfortunately I don't have the time to be a beta reader right now. You can find one on the site by clicking on the beta readers link and choosing someone who will beta for Gilmore Girls. Then look at their profile and send them a message.

Hope this review helps. I hope you understand that I write all these things as constructive criticism and not as a flame.

I have read it and it is very good i love the story line about how she is dating Dean and that she is going to have his kids. It would be a good story if you know what happens when Rory have the kids you know. See what would happen between them. Like are they always going to be together you know. But over all the story is very good. LOVE the GILMORE GIRLS :D and love this story thxs :)

nice i liked reading how Rory stood up for herself when it came to all of her grandparents. i hope u keep adding to it please

I really liked how you added quotes from the show. :)It makes it seem more real...so to speak.

I don't like Dean at all, but I think this story could be interesting. Twins will be a lot to handle! But you really need to work on grammar and spelling.

Really good. I like it :)

Please continue