Excellent 11 chapters. I read this years after it was written and could gaved helped with read thrus. Your thoughts are great. Just correct word needed for the turn of phrase you meant to use. However, lot of action since the older true unnamed jedi entered. Fantastic grasp on battle, why people lead, follow, see a cause in a cause and a wrong in a personal loss to right any waybposdible. Tim

WTF is the point changing his name to Revan? He already has a name. And why would he want to name himself after a Sith Lord? Freaking pointless.

This is awful lmao

It's full of spelling mistakes, and a lot of it just doesn't make sense at all. Harry speaks as if he was an Auror, yet he was a fifth-year student before he ended up in the SW universe. It's just garbage all around.

im sorry i know ive asked this b4 in a PM but didnt get an answer so i ask again do you ever plan to finish a story or are you trying to get a perfect story first becouse as far as i know no author is truly satisfied with all their work they just do the best they can, now apart from your spelling :) you are a good writer with good ideas for stories but trying for perfection will just frustrate you, just do it the best you can and finish what you started becouse it can and will surprise you how good it can turn out sorry didnt mean to preach at you thank you for taking the time to share your imagination with us

While I like the idea your ability to properly use grammar and tenses in this first chapter was so horrible as to render it unreadable. I tried. Normally, when reading a tale, I will copy it a chapter at a time in Word. This allows me to punch up the font and make any corrections that seem to me to be needed.

I was four sentences in and it was already missing a word, it goes downhill from there. I seriously suggest you either have this beta'd by someone or do a rewrite and do some serious editing.

Good Luck.

Your old writing is ass. I'm glad you improved your grammar and spelling for your more recent stuff.

satele shan is the Jedi in question

Ok, this is total sh**, I came here reading this expecting you to be able to change Revenge of the South into a slightly better ending. All you have done is added a powerful character who doesn't affect the story whatsoever. What was the point of adding Revan/Harry if you weren't actually gonna make him affect anything?

Wow, you really are a shitty author.

I have enjoyed the story, and can understand starting over when a writer is not happy with the direction a story takes. I see you had plans to rewrite the story. I am curious if this is still in your future plans as a writer.

No offense when I say this as this has been a great story but unfortunately there a whole slew of grammar errors and other punctuation errors that made this very difficult in reading but the storyline was very well made.

I see now where the story got away from ya

Should've saved all the younglings. Surprised Revan is sleeping around. Revan repeats things too much. In two different chapters at least 3 times Revan had acted or said or confronted somebody telling them the same thing he said in a previous chapter.

Not sure how I feel about sliptting the twins. They should've gone to The Star forge

I thoroughly enjoy this story. I'm starting to see the subtle changes panning into bigger changes. Im excited for the clone wars.

Not gonna lie for a while there was afraid Revans apprentice was gonna get hurt

This is a really great story, but you seriously need to fix grammar.
And don’t narrate in the present tense. If you do, then ONLY barrate in the present tense. Otherwise, only use past tense.