A nicely written werewolf story and a dark atmosphere (which I always appreciate)

That Ronin is so awesome.

I just want to say "Congrats" for getting that pen name before anyone else.
;)

Hey, this was recommended to me by my brother, so I'm really looking forwards to reading this!

This is one of my fav stories! Nice to finally submit a review after several years!

Considering that my beta duties are far from over, I decided to have a go at checking this chapter. It will be a pretty long review so please bear with me.

The first problem arises in your sentence structure. The sentences have a very choppy, fragment feel to them that are better off if they were combined with each other to make some sense.

[Belching forth hideous aromas that burned his nose and pained his eyes. Strange, shapeless masses crawled from the pits, the beasts swarming upwards to crush and destroy him and his friends.]

This is one example.

Also, the first paragraph seems to rush in giving details that were better off explained rather than automatically dished out, as if these events had happened before and the audience is having a rehash, or some other vague reason that I can't seem to understand.

[. Tonight, was their night, tonight was their first hunt, tonight they earned their names. ]

This sentence could flow better if it was merged into a shorter sentence, removing the many instances of the word 'tonight'

[ But he was Ahroun, born under the sign of the full moon, born to be a warrior. He would not flee, he would not weaken. Nearby Denise and Dennis also grew ready. Though they were Ragabesh, tricksters and sneakers, they too would be needed as warriors. ]

I don't know if pointing the obvious HERE works. I'll let it slide, only because it doesn't bug me that much at all.

This part about Denise and Dennis and his recollections are kind of boring. THey seem a bit dry to me, an introduction to something of vague importance.

[ childer ]: What is that?

I notice that you use a lot of exclamation marks as a way to show emphasis. Do not do that. It looks very sloppy. I suggest either putting the word in caps or putting it in italics.

[I'll Pog you!" Shouted Jake ]

There are some instances like this where you capitalize the word after the quotations. You do not do that.

["Where! Where little fucker," he growled. ] This sounds very awkward.

[ He looked around again, and suddenly paused. There! ]

No real suspense here.

["Oh the wolf I will mo-ock! He went and rammed a ro-ock. He'll hit his head, though he wished me dead. But my image was an illusory cro-ock!]

This makes no real sense to me.

I notie there is a lot of yelling dialogue. When will these characters talk in a normal fasion?

All in all, it's not necessarily bad. There are a few nitpicks you need to look after.

~Snuffie

*Howls* Wow, that was impressive, I found another favorite.

Hey, spartan here. This fic is the best Werewolf fic I have ever read! You really need to MAKE MOAR!

Dear Mr. Thor,

while at some points I had difficulties following the action (e. ripping the mirror out of the car) the story was was very complete,with most of the sub-plots and clues falling in place.

The characterization of heroes and anti-heroes alike is..complete: you gave us a disturbing insight in their mental processes, except for Dominick and Jo (and the latter was mostly for our own sanity, wasn't it?).

My only true complaint remains the absence of other, newer stories...

whoa...if i had time to read the rest right now i totally would. gonna read them slowly and soak up the story like a sponge.

enjoying this greatly. :)

I could go into load of detail explianng hte bits I liked and the bits I didn't but fuck it...

Great job... to finish somehting of this size is a proper achievement.. the story kicks ass

It appears that Fall of the Heroes has been officially finished, still you haven't answered a couple of my question: the Colonel and the problems in the caern, the ones that Dominic wanted to investigate. I wonder if i missed that bit or if it is the possibility that there is going to be another story?

Guess it's time to write the "famous serious review" and to read your other stories.

I hope the other readers will write lenghty reviews too.

what can i add if not: thank you for this story and may you have a good night sleep!

Ah! Finally the reason for the Ronin to be cast out. If nothing else, it shows that the Garou are... just human. I like.

A *Very* good chapter, you have the rare skill that can turn an ordinary story into something remarkable... I want a real ending thou, am i wrong in expecting one? Want to see what happened to our new "hero" ;)

Wow...

What can i say?

I am still schocked by the ending.

Dominic sacrificed himself to save the others, Detroit and redeem himself.

I know this is an overused example but, it still reminds me of Boromir.

It appears that i was right about Endelon and Kendar and i'm glad that ALMOST evreyone survived.

To think liked Dominic (after the first times, as mentioned below).

There are still a couple of question unanswered: what will happen at the caern; what was the matter with Marn; did Puck survived; is Dominic really lost in the Umbra with a "walking" spiritual bomb; what will happen to the ronin; did Jo healed her hand what WAS Sand; what WAS ; who is the Colonel (remember him); and is there going to be another story with our heroes (if yes, will it be good or bad?)?

I imagine that MOST of these questions will be answered in the Epilogue, but for the last one: i hope not.

"WHY?" you are all going to say?

Because most stories that have a unexpected follow up usually ends up being total failures.

I do hope, thought, there are going to be others werewolf stories.

Well... i guess that i will wait for the epilogue than i will review this beast and start to read your other stories.

Congratulation thor.