I liked that chapter and I liked the other ones before this one
I can't wait for the next, crazy one ;P
I wonder what Madison's gonna do now and if Ethan and Jayden get away fast enough or if Blake catches them..

Brilliant so far. Interesting to see, Norman helping Ethan directly.

I'm so glad you updated! I thought you'd forgotten about this poor little fanfic!

I liked the little trip we took into Greg's mind. :P It was also unexpectedly touching when Ethan was repeating how he loved his son. ): That really reminded me of the emotions of the game.

Enjoyed the chapter, but I would've liked it if you had gone a little slower and described things in a little more detail. It just sort of seemed to me that I had a lot to take in, in a short amount of time. Small point, though. :)

Keep it up! :D

You aren't alone, I have lost a lot of interest in some of my stories.

Can't wait for more!

You won't believe how much time I had spent looking for this fic. All I could remember was the synopsis about Jayden being on the run with Ethan. And I found nothing! So imagine my delight when I see it on the first page today, and read all 4 chapters in one go! It's good, I like it, and you stayed very in-character! Loved how you put in Shaun's perspective, and the way it ended with "I love you dad". Very haunting...also loved the whole going into the City Garage and Greg's take. Nice to have a fan fic deviating from the original plot and still looking great! :)

Nice can't wait to read more.

Hehe, I really like the idea of this fanfic. The idea of Norman and Ethan on the run together reminds me of old 70's buddy shows, in a really good way. :D I'm interested in seeing how the relationship deepens between the two!

Oh, and nice work with that creepy dream. Very sinister. :O Continue please?

Nice! I like how this story is coming together and I know where you are in it. I can't wait to read more.

That dream even drove me a little crazy. ..And I've had my share of crazy dreams lol.

Fave chapt, can't wait for more.

You should definitely write more. Yup, yup. I like this one, I'm looking forward to the next part )

It was short yet very sweet. You don't need to overwork yourself to put out a chapter, but, that being said, I can't wait till your next installment! :D

Don't worry about taking the time you need to write. That being said, I really enjoyed this chapter, despite it being short.

Keep up the good work!

Hey!

Great stuff here, I really enjoyed it.

Your right, it is set quite close to the end, and to be honest I actually can't think of a way to extend the length, so it's all up to you.

Don't worry, I have faith in your ability.

I suppose you have two options:

a) Stick to the story as close as possible, only changing the scenes slightly so that Norman is involved.

b) Change everything that follows 'On the Loose' including parts with Madison and Scott in whatever way seems best to you, and have it all culminate at the end.

I just thought of something, and I'm not really sure if it will work but a quick scene that could change the outcome is that Norman could be bugged (or something similar) and the police show up at 961 Rainbow Lane (The Rat address) therefore preventing Ethan from completing the last trial.

Like I said, I don't know if it will work but it could help to extend the story a bit, it's totally up to you.

So, keep up the good work and I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

James Hudson

I yayed really loud when I saw this. Wanted to scream but didn't want my mom to flip out haha.

That was really good. Damn Blake and is accusing, I want to punch that asshole. I got a good laugh at him when I got a ending with him getting suspended. Now that's what I call justice! Anywho...

Can't wait for more! Oh and those plot holes. Think of them as good fan fics. Lol. I've actually got a good one I'm thinking up but haven't got to writing it yet.

I like the structure of your writing. It keeps to the mechanics of the game a bit, and is yet very understandable. The first chapter has me psyched! I can't wait for the rest :)