This story sure has an hell of a way to draw you inn and making you care.

It reminds me of a very good Novel someone wrote during the Kotor days, where the events of the game was seen from the pespective of Bastila shawn, begining with some backstory before the game start, and then all the events threw her eyes and mind.

Your doing something good here, even though i admit im more in to the juice romance stories myself.

Just two things I'd like to point out:

1: Since ME3, Keelah means "by the homeworld," so Tali can't really "pray to Keelah."

2: the way the chapter ends makes it sound like Sheperd left Kaiden and Garris behind on the planet.

Other than that, good work.

Interesting stuff! Can't wait to see what Tali's first impressions of humans and the Normandy are like! Keeping an eye on this one.

The Spirit

I like this. are you planing on doing more soon ? update soon ok.

great chapter, this fic is going well.

"Another asari," Williams said. "If her mother really is working with Saren, what do you think the chances are she'd work for him, too" - someone please remind Ash about her grandfather and see how her opinion of judging people by their ancestors holds up :P

Very nice chapter.

This shows very well how sweet Tali is. It seems she's already got a thing for Shepard, I'm sure that will develop as the story goes on.

I like the story of Kaidan at Elysium. Personally I always imagine Shepard setting up on a bridge into the colonial capitol. The pass idea works too. I guess we were inspired by different actions in WWII.

Daaamn... I never realized how... bittersweet the start of a quarian pilgrimage is...

You portrayed beautifully the thoughts of Tali as she watched the Migrant Fleet leaving the station, how - due to the number of ships - the Mass Relay jump must be done in groups... one can only begin to imagine the hectic coördination required to do a flotilla jump...

You also did a mighty fine job portraying the inside of Rayya. Amazing.

I have overlooked this story before; a big mistake. I'll definitely be following this story now.

(and if you've read my comments on "Pilgrim's Comfort" and various other fics here, the answer is: yes, 'bittersweet' seems to be my favorite word)

Keelah se'lai

Interesting that Shep walks around with a larger team, it does make sense of course. Esp. the Thorian take-down, a defense team and a attack-nodes team. Good choices for those roles as well, btw.

Good catch in an earlier chapter on how Ashley wouldn't like Tali. Earth history-teaching is probably rather short on Quarian's. Something like 'they created the Geth and got kicked of their homeworld by them', so I can understand Ash being unfriendly to the perceived creator of her enemies :)

Teaming Ash/Wrex and Tali/Kaiden makes sense, though it would be nice to eventually see Tali work together with Ash. It's funny but I never stopped to think that Tali indeed is not a trained soldier (in my defense, the game itself doesn't care to much about either).

The change on Feros is interesting, but it does rob Saren of a reason to be there at all. Unless that's in the next chapter :)

Yeah killing mr. office-manager/slime is usually my preference as well, even as paragon. The man clearly has his priorities all wrong, he should be thankful they all will get out alive at all. That's cooperate business for ya :)

The mass-effect drop-field was a fun solution, works for the Eden Prime drop as well. I did wonder about that one for a fair bit, so thanks for figuring it out ;)

Great chapter.

I loved the pop-culture references. Shame you didn't kill Jeong though, that's my preffered resolution to the scenario.

My favorite part was Ash and Kaidan's respective Zombie Plans.

This writing is not horrendous, however it is not striking in anyway. There are too many irrelevant details, and it seems visually stale. Many of the sentences are convoluted and boring to read through.

Once again, a great chapter you've put up here. Only a few little grammatical errors I noticed, like "waiting to see if it effects them in any way" where it should've been 'affects' as opposed to 'effects.'

I like direction you're taking the story, keeping to the main storyline but adding your own personal flair to it. Keep it up!

Good chapter.

I don't mind a deviation from the plot. It makes things more interesting.

By the way, I recently saw the Prince of Persia movie, a very good game to film transition.

I like it, very solid writing style you've got going on. It's good to see an author that can really get into the tight coordination of Shepard's squad and how well they work together. And as far as taking a new direction... I've read much, much, MUCH weirder directions to take a story than omitting super-magical control spores.

Liked much, got you subscribed, look forward to reading more.

nice work. :D

couple of questions: would a quarian actually raise an eyebrow? Also, is Ash meant to be on first name basis with Wrex, or should she call him Urdnot?

Man I wish you could do that in the game!

Really good use of tactics, and the characters are playing off each other very well.

This is why they should make Mass Effect into a weekly TV series (forget the movie they've been talking about).