This is amazing as well!

I give you props for a somewhat original idea. Tsukino Askune is doing something similar with their story "Bright Skies".

There are, however, some drawbacks to your story. First off, you need to lose the script style writing. It's really a turn off for anything other than a couple of chapters.

Secondly, put more details in it. That part in chapter one where you described all the team members could have been done much beter if you slowed it down and put it in a better perspective.

By having it in script style, you're really limiting yourself. Give things more depth and detail by ditching the script and arranging things a bit better.