The writing quality and concept in this fic is alright, but the plot points and sorry are poor at best. The repeated issues are repeatedly irritating to they point where you just give up on the story. I hope you fix the issues with it. Until then, bye.

- First thing, the Spartan program no longer uses children after the first generation. So no fifteen year olds in the Spartan program.
- Next, any and all vehicles no matter size wouldn't be able to enter our exit faster than light travel without the human ship or satellite from finding them.
- Next, battle droids are notorious for being built cheap and have armor that's an 1/8 of am inch thick or less based on cross sections, media, and comics.
- Question though? If human weaponry can go through Forerunner machines then why do you assume that their useless against droids. Doesn't make much sense. Another note, languages should not be the same nor should the Spartans be incapable of not hacking the machine if they did speak English. So if they also have a wary to interact with the smart AI. It also should be feasible for it to not only hack it remotely but you decipher any language barrier.

I can keep going, but It's like one thing after another and another that keeps dragging the story down. You seem adept at writing but lacking in the know how in Sci-Fi writing. In some instances you seem to fact vomit miniscule things such as weapons features, but completely incapable of structuring a plot that follows common sense.

Both the concept and writing are decent, all you need is someone to bounce off or correct the issues in it really. Hope you find that someone. As for the moment I'm done with it.

I love how the venator just jumps right into the tiny frigates hanger cuz that makes a lot of fucking sense where the hell was the battle between the UNSC and the CIS fleet and nobody says anything when the Republic Fleet shows up

please send another chapter soon, want to see how the republic tries to make the unsc join them and what the C.I.S are doing and planning.
Also the should hack into battle droids, it would be kind of cool.

Primitive you say? ( ͡ ͜ʖ ͡)

Are you still alive?

So I just started the story but i have w problem with the Spartan IV Sam, the Spartan IV's were all conscripted from the military ODST, ON, etc... So she couldn't be 15 no idea if this has been addressed at all just bringing it up.

The UNSC uses almost exclusively projectile weaponry, but star wars ships use (in essence) plasma throwers, so their ships are designed to handle plasma weapons, not projectile weapons

How come the UNSC is so overpowered.

Really 'Liutenant Kerrigan' have you really got to have a StarCraft reference amd by the way nice story

The dialogue is so bad.

I dont understand why do they need to kidnappeds kids whem they already won the war. They are nit desperate enought and I dont se that happening.

Also I cant picturs a 11 year old kid beating 4 adult military trainers, without being a mutant, have superpowers or modified. That is simply stupid.

Also your sorry for an excuse spartans are acting like kids. Yes they are kids but they need to act in a more adult way as they are part of the military

Your fic sermed promising at chap 1 but it hit rock buttom around this chapter

Few major notes on the story as a WHOLE:

Spartan IV's use a more advanced, but cheap, GEN 2 Mjolnir Mk VI armor, and are marines and ODSTs who've been specifically recruited into the SPARTAN branch of the military. These Spartan's do not have a number of any kind and are primarily called Spartan Last Name or are called by their first name/last name alone while in combat, if they bother to talk to each other. Their augmentations are less than that of a Spartan II or Spartan III. They're fare more disciplined than this bunch as a whole, either.

UNSC weaponry, being solid projectiles, can't be coated in plasma. The plasma would melt the bullet and make it effectively useless, nor could a shotgun, or any sort of gun dedicated to firing solid projectiles, produce the plasma necessary and store the shells without destroying the mechanisms or becoming extremely bulky. The 72 magazine clip of your modified Battle Rifle would mean the bullets are either A) Smaller or B) the same size in a bigger gun with either a different means of reloading that would slow down the reload speed of the entire gun as well as weigh it down (light weight is highly wanted because of the capability of turning quickly to take out targets on your flanks). There is also no such thing as "Semi-Armor Piercing rounds". They're Armor Piercing/AP, High Explosive (HE), Hollow Point, Full Metal Jacket, or regular. The technobabble on UNSC weapons is also just not believable. You'd start out with a good, believable type of bullet, then suddenly add some throw away words to make it sound more "epic", or imply that it's something more than it can be (Case in point: Fin Stabilization can't be done to a bullet. It'd throw off the weight, causing it to tumble, lowering the accuracy far more than the perceived assistance. They also wouldn't fit in the casing for the bullet if they had tiny fins on them.) The M7S Silenced Submachine Gun could also be shortened to simply be the M7S Sub Machine Gun (The S in M7S is already for Silenced). Military Doctrine is also based on the Weapons Permission Doctrine for if a mission is weapons free prior to deployment, but the call to go weapons free rests on the squad leader in the event of a fire fight, but when actively being shot at, the doctrine declares that they are free to fire in defense. Furthermore: Spartan Teams switched to Fireteam design after the Spartan II's. Spartan III's used Company Tactics, with the exception of Noble Team.

Chief was also located in 2558, not 2604 or anything near that amount, so it'd be prudent to fix that little discrepancy if you haven't already noted it due to Halo 4, which I presume came out around the same time as the chapter where your authors note said such.

On the Star Wars half of things:

Togruta are omnivorous, not purely carnivorous, nor do they seem to enjoy being barefoot at all the way you do so. In the show, it is shown that Ahsoka is far less sadistic than you're portraying her here, with a higher emphasis on recklessness than anything else. She would also not just forgive someone so easily without actual reasoning. Force Users are also not telepaths in the slightest. They can manipulate the minds of the weak, yes, but not read the minds of people. Source: Capture of Newt Gunray. Three Jedi were required to try and manipulate him, with much effort, in telling them any information.

There're many more things than just that, however.

Although, your story is fairly good.

If SPARTANS have no force presence, imagine what Master Chief would do to Anakin with Spartan time.

goodwork

For all people who read this story and read about Echo and her serial number and if you have also played Halo: Combat Evolved or Halo: Combat Evolved anniversary, the main Pelican Pilot, Echo-419, is connected in some way, the pilot's real name is unknown while her Squadron name and her pilot number is said and shown in subtitles while the girl is named Echo and her Spartan serial number is 419, so I thought this would be a little fun fact for everyone

Plz come back and update ._.