aw poor toboe i no how much he like every one in the pack and can you make it more longer please i wanna read more it sounds good and thx

Firstly, I have to tell you that you shouldn't diss your own work, hun, be proud of it. If you believe in yourself you could accomplish many terrifying obsticles.

Secondly, I want to correct a few of your spelling areas. They aren't huge, but it will deffinately improve your writing skills a lot. :)

"Hige agrees with them at first but I think it changed his mind after a couple of close calls when we almost died."

The mistakes in that sentence were that you used present tense instead of past tense with the word 'agree'. It should be agreed.

"The first time we met in freeze city, Tsume saved me many times then."

Always remember that a proper noun is ALWAYS in capital letters. The proper noun in that sentence was 'freeze city'. It should be Freeze City.

"We lost Cheza a lot of time(couldn't keep the number how many time) almost dieing.

The errors in there were 'time' and 'dieing'.

Time - times

Dieing - dying

Show off - shows off

Advance - advanced

Tusk - tusks

Attack - attacked

Snap - snapped

Walrus eye - walrus's eye

Leap - leaped

I am going to stop there, I am sure you will figure out the other errors as you correct them.

Thirdly and lastly, I must comment on your writing skills. It is unique and I really love it. You will get far with your writing skills on this sight, hun. Please do reply, I would love to chat privately to you and see what other stories you come up with.

Goodluck!

Amber. ;)

Well, retreading the anime from a specific character's PoV may not be a new concept by any means, but I usually enjoy the fics, as long as they can maintain a theme. It's just a matter of knowing where to add detail and where it's TMI, which can vary depending on the writer's style and what's being covered. It all depends on what needs to be shown for the story.

You did pretty well with your spelling here, save for "dying" and capitalizing Freeze City, but you do have a lot of tense changes and comma splices, plus some other grammar issues that just detract from your work. If you want in-depth help, shoot me an email at bozswargmissy yahoo. com.