AWHHH I LOVE IT !

BAH THIS IS SO CUTE AND ADORABLE! :D I love it! I like how you show how awkward and unsure Shikamaru is but he's still there for her. Heh, him talking about clouds was awesome. I love it!

That was very cute. I don't know if you got the pun there at the end. tsunade is related to a kage and temari is too. so if tsunade is a princess temari is one too.

ok, the writing is better than most fanfiction i've read; however, i'm not sure whether Temari is suffering through post-traumatic stress disorder from watching anthony hopkins eating people alive on the battle field, of if this is just a REALLY sexist fanfic. first of all, why would temari randomly be afraid of thunder, considering her personality? yeah, ok, we all have our fears...but crying from a thunderstorm is 1) hardly the characteristic temari and 2) not plausible for any human over the age of 18...months.

Shikamaru doesn't have much character here either, besides being the guy who loves when girls seem weak, because it makes him feel heroic and macho. Truthfully, i think you have the characters backwards.

I'm sorry if this doesn't sound nice, but i'm just critical because i like the idea of Shikamaru stumbling an uncharacteristic temari.

BTW i REALLY like the introductory setting. It creates an erie (i think i spelled that simple word wrong) and suspenseful, obscure atmosphere, and forshadow's the peculiarity of Temari's uncommon display of fear. The setting also seems to provide Shikamaru with worry for his loved one. Very romantic.

So, just as a suggestion, please try to 1) give more backround info. The story seems to come out of nowhere. 2) think of the correlation between plot and characterization. You want temari to show her weak, vulnerable side, so think of a better plot than 'crying from the fear of thunder.' Think about who we're dealing with here. perhaps Temari has just experienced some catastrophe, conducive to her increased sensitivity. I don't know. But try to think of a plot that would be a result of characterization. We are not reading a story about six-year-old sakura... and 3) try to think of each character as an individual. I know you want to create a very specific type of romantic story, but the story HAS to make sense for the characters. you must do more than take a somewhat cliche romance and fill in the blanks with the names of the lovers. (I'm exaggerating, but you get my point...this relates again to suggestion #2)

BUT i think you are a very talented fanfic writer, and with these suggestions in mind (if you want) PLZPLZPLZ continue to write more! let the creativity FLOW, man!

hehehe this s sweet! who's the crybaby now? ahahahha i love it! princess? ahahaha i wonder what would be temari's reaction if she was in her normal self

oo i relaly liked this one it was really good :D

Good story, your descriptions flowed well.

Enjoyed it, thanks for sharing. :)

This is an enjoyably quaint story with a natural flow.

My biggest critiques here would be '(Shikamaru was a very patient person)'; it's just not needed and, frankly, distracting. Also, 'He almost started from sheer surprise' doesn't read right and isn't clear with the rest of the section.

Overall I truly did enjoy your story, and hope you'll keep at it.

-Bruh Studios

very well done.

there's now for some reason a lot of 'temari being scared of thunder' stories out there but this one was particularly good.

gave a lot of emotion in a short space of time which I really loved.

SP7