I like the detail and the depiction of emotions in this. I can always apreciate when someone sees a deeper and more emotive angle to things. I do have a bit of constructive criticism though. I would advise to you that when you read over your work, make sure it comes off the page as you would say it and in the most grammatically correct way possible. You showed an excellent vocabulary, along with an obvious understanding of the characters' psychological anatomy, which is commendable. There were, however, a few incomplete sentaces where it would have been more clear if you'd used other forms of punctuation like colons, semicolons, or comas (:;,). Also, the single sentance paragraphs aren't as dramatic as they are harmful to the flowing of the chapter's structure. All these things I'm saying aren't being said to make you appear unintelligent or a poor writer. I'm just trying to help you, as a writer, to write things that are easier for the reader to understand. I hope you consider my advice, and I wish you the best. Keep writing!

Great job! Of course Kiara is still loyal enough to insist on returning and setting things right, so regardless of how she feels at this moment, she's always going to love her pride.

You should do one from Simba and Kovu's POVs too. Simba when he's forced into exile by Scar and Kovu when he's forced into exile by Simba.

-LZ

I love that song and this is a perfect one-shot of Nala's feelings. Wonderful job showing how she's wrestling with her own decisions, but we all know there's a happy ending.

-LZ

Wow, that chapter was a real eyeoppener for me. I have seen the original VIDEO (no one is a true fan unless they have a working copy of the VHS and a VHS player!) several times, proberlg boardering about 250 views each, and I have never picked up on the fact that both Nala and her daughter Kiara both leave home due to love. That actually spreads a whole new light on the film. Thanks for that!

Anyway a great chapter, filled with love and inheritance. I thought that this chapter would be wierd after Reading the description but I thought wrong. Amazing! And I am goiing to watch out for your future works, becaus I have a feeling that they will also be amazing!

MH

Very powerful stuff, I happened to be listening to the avatar soundtrack while Reading, another good song for the chapter would be a few miniutes into "Pure spirits of the forest" or so I think. Anyway a great little chapter with a good infrence behind it, so I realy can't fault it

MH.

Don't worry about the disheartening lack of reviews - they have very little connection to actual talent of the author, on a site like this. I would read your other stories to encourage you further, but I have no idea what 'harvest moon' or 'Merlin' is. Anyway, I haven't seen Lion King in ages either, but I have sympathy for unreviewed stories... BUT, to hte dmeat of my review, this story is good. Written with a lot more skill than some modern literature, and a lot of internet stories. Whether that's enough for you to become a successful writer is up to fate. One thing I'd suggest though, is running it through a word processor to pick up on those little errors (I saw 'a rampaged' in the first chapter, and 'an darkness' in the second - but everyone has a few typos, and they were the only ones I picked up), also, make sure that you read it through and, especially with a fairly short piece like this, check every single word - use a thesaurus if you have one - since the tone is so easy to change with just a few words. but really, on the whole, it's pretty good - both of them - and I hope this temporarily whets your apetite. Boy that was long...