Good ending on a cliff hanger.

If Ralphie had been more of a lawyer, he would have written his five hundred lines and added his parents' signatures to the end of each sentence. Well technically, he would have been in compliance.

Channeling Mrs. Shields again.
- A quote and the dialog tag are considered a single unit, a complete sentence. So, you never use a period prior to the closing quote mark, only a comma, exclamation point, or question mark. It is something I catch myself doing even after I learned the difference.

Again, good storyline and very closely follows the original movie theme.

I had to laugh that a kid had been given some tin cans to shoot. I thought, "You couldn't find them on your own?" Then I realized, "Oh yeah, people didn't use to litter as bad back in the 1940's and 50's."

Perhaps I've played too many dystopian games where empty cans are everywhere.

And, to channel Mrs. Sheilds:
- In the first paragraph, Mrs. Shieds would have "set" her books down. Set is a transitive verb, an action performed on an object (I set the books down). Sit/Sat is an intransitive verb, an action performed by the subject (I will sit down/I sat down).
- Example: "Smiling, Mrs. Shields sat down and set the books on her desk."

I liked the story development and the actions felt very in tune with the movie. Nice.

This is one of my favorite movies, so I was smiling a few sentences into your version. Your research is pretty good as the names were all right and you captured the characters pretty well, I could hear their voices as I was reading.

Your editing is pretty good. I would suggest that you change a few semicolons to commas where it was used to join two clauses where only one was an independent clause and the other was a dependent clause. For semicolon use, both have to be full sentences.

Possibly split the paragraph beginning "Hey Flick" into two paragraphs after "his friend." as the focus changed to his brother Randy and a new kid. It was a little confusing.

I like what you did here and will continue to read your other chapters. I'm curious to see what you came up with. Good work.

Nice job, your story felt like a natural continuation of the story. I enjoyed your take on it and all those details show you did your research. I know because I had to do the same for my story. You could probably do a whole serial approach and create a bunch of episodes. Again, I enjoyed it, thanks.

This was really well-done. You caught the character's personalities very well, even if some of what they said was a tad OOC. I love this movie so much. My family watches it every holiday season!

wow this was really good I like the nice family ending

Wow, this is cool! I love it.

What a great story! I loved it. You captured the essence of the movie perfectly and I could really see the characters going through all of this. Excellent story...definitely one of my favorites!

Hmmm? I am wondering what will happen next!

Poor Ralph...the kid can't seem to catch a break!

I love the Black Bart dream. LOL! Just perfect!

Poor Ralph...I hope he finds his Red Ryder, and that he doesn't get in too much trouble over the note.

Oh no! I wonder where his BB gun is?

Aww...poor Ralpie! He's going to get in trouble with the old man over that note and now he also has to write 50 sentences! Poor kid!