that was really sweet!

please finish your story it has the making of a fantastic book it would be a crying shame to leave it where it is without a conclusion.

Update please. I winder if Tanya will he pissed at bella and start a bitch fight lol. That would be so funny! : D I bet the creep with scars is still alive bc he wasn't burned to ashes. He comes back. : ( then a happily Eva after lol that's just mu guesss on what will happen though. Happy writing. ~Brittany

Loved the lemon, beautiful chapter! I hope to read more, this is a great story :)

I just found your stories, your doing a great job on them! If you get any flames just ignore them! Your story shows great imagination! I read a lot and it is hard to find well written and original plots! Thank you for sharing your imagination with us!

First of all: thank you for writing a VAMPIRE Twilight fanfic - I am sick to death with all-human, relationship emo-fics. I've read plenty of dreadful Twilight fic and it was refreshing to get into yours (I followed a link from Livejournal). You have a good story concept and some solid characterizations going on.

That being said, do you have a beta? Did you start out with one and then edited later chapters by yourself? Because the latter chapters have a much different feel to them. Stylistically, you've got some grammar issues that you need to attend to i.e: the past tense of the verb "drag" is "dragged", not "drug" which is a narcotic. Also: the past tense of the verb "lay" is either "lay" or "laid" depending on its usage, not "lied" which means to purposely deceive. Your descriptive sections are becoming increasingly awkward and flowery, and there's some cra-zy active/passive verb tenses happening too. This might seem like nit-picking but incorrect grammar can be as off-putting to a reader as a crappy plotline.

Finally, I feel - and this is just my opinion - that Edward and Bella's "coupleness" happened far too quickly. I was enjoying the slow build in the first 8(?) chapters, then suddenly Bella corners Edward - Edward declares his love - Bella reveals her secret - Bella and Edward dedicate themselves to each other forever. It all happens in 2 chapters! I know that everyone is eager for lemons but it seems like they went from demur attraction to intense intimacy in no time flat. I'm sure that you have a plan but perhaps that could have been paced better.

Well, I've read all the chapters to date - having just found your posting in Live Journal. Whew! I've enjoyed every chapter so far, and feel bad about her parents.

Can a vampire feel pain, even if she was a virgin? That was the one thing that crossed my mind as I read this chapter. I hope this is not the end of the story.

Who is the Frenchman Charlie met at the bar?

read the whole story, and i think it's just amazing. keep it up!

consider this review as one for each chapter... :D

So when is Alice gonna get a vision of Bella's creator looking for her?

Bella moving in with the Cullen's. Interesting. However, I think Ill come back to this when I haven't just been burned because I probably won't mind whatever you were hinting at as much. I just got screwed by two FF's in a row. I need a cleanse to see it with new eyes. Looking forward to reading more soon.

Tanya is an evil ho. She's fucking up another story I'm reading too. Step off.

Just found your story tonight and I love it! Great story line. I can't wait to see what happens with Charlie. More please

Oh how sexy, i loved it:)Now there finally mates!Cant wait for more!

I love Edward and Alice playing chess. Lol. I always have. Edward is just too cute. I'm sure he loved cuddling just as much as Bella. Loved the smut. It was totally in character. If Bella was a vampire in Twilight, Edward would never have waited 4 books. Lol. This was so happy and fluffy, I can't help but worry about what's coming. I'm glad your schedule is calming down, but don't feel bad about updates. You do a great job :)

please update soon. i wonder if her maker was james or all together someone else that jasper knew in the wars. i also wonder how she was able to get the drop on a seasoned vampire. eventhough she's a newborn and has the strength she doesn't have the experience. i am curious if she has some kind of extra power that eleazor couldn't determine because she was blocking him or if her shield is different than just being a mental one, maybe physical to. tanya will hopefully not cause any problems. the volturi will hopefully make an appearance. i'd like to see how they respond to bella.