Dude... I like your writing style. You start off with script that seems wistful, and slap to get the reader's attention with something random. _ Cool! BTW, I'm going to make my own insertion too! But since I can't write, I'll make it into a comic. Keep looking on my profile for it. But it'll probably take a while. Good luck to yours!

definitely got potential. i'd like to see a couple more chapters if your up to it.