This may soudn strange, but I love all the run-on sentences, and grammar screw-ups, and yeah lol. I dont even know why.

Okay there's a lot you can improve on.

For one the chapters are kinda disjointed and don't flow together.

Another is the spelling errors and general lack of standard English grammar. I would highly recommend you to find a beta reader to help you, but I can't be a beta because my life is already busy enough.

The plot is generally good, but the errors and grammar problems do not allow it to shine like it should.