Your writing style is a bit awkward and confusing to read, but your story has potential. I recommend page breaks when transitioning to a different scene. Use of italics to emphasize something meaningful, fix some grammar (i.e. wrong verb uses, occasional "s" fubs, incorrect use of semicolon, missing commas, etc.). You have a tendency to be very long winded. Remember: less is more when it comes to writing. Excessive run on sentences that don't really match the perspective the story is being told from. Regardless, I wish you good luck as a writer.

The drama is too strong this chapter.

I NEED THIS CONTINUED

I NEED THIS STORY TO B E CONTINUED!

Interesante ...

xdddd

Girl, your writing style is absolutely confusing and stupid.

HAHHAHAAHAHAHA Neji's comment was AMAZING HAHAHAHHAHAA I was NOT expecting him to say that

...poor hinata...but is it wrong of me to think that it's funny that she fainted...really badly... because of sasuke? ahhahahhaha so cute

Sasuke's reaction to the fangirls is hilarious lololol

awwww he finished her sentence (i think?) hahaha so cute

oooooOOOooOoOooOhh
*romance~~~*

"Hn." count of: 8
ʱªʱªʱª (ᕑᗢूᓫ)

okay I SERIOUSLY want to know what Tenten says to fainted Hinata to get her to wake up so easily

Favorite line: "He opened it slowly, then...was that a blush?"
just laughed thinking about it (Neji's narrative on Sasuke's behavior is always fun to read)