its only a story men and women are capable of doing the old boys work irish nick name for satan

Oh sigh...with 6.5 chapters under my belt, I thought I had escaped a Kurosaki-kunning Orihime. - barfs - LOL

Oh please make sure Rukia is that return visit to add her sardonic, jealous commentary to the mix. ;) Unless she has some use on the espionage end of things - or is involved with Ulquiorra & indirectly leads them directly to him, then I don't think she needs much of a role. It appears Ichigo's only link to her was as a classmate in which he had no interest, so she really doesn't need to reattach herself to his life now.

I'm actually quite impressed that Rukia has "followed orders" and stayed pent up in the bunker. For as independent and gregariously active as she has demonstrated herself to be in the past, she must be placing an extreme amount of trust in Ichigo to allow him to do his job without compromising it for her own ends.

Ah...and THERE is the mutual interest surfacing. You certainly have drawn out that anticipation. ;) Hope that you are able to return to the story. It's very well-written, and you have left the doors open for so much potential and spider-webbing of plots & characters. Would love to see interaction with Yuzu & Karin. Also a return to Urahara after all this time. I couldn't understand why he hadn't appeared until the flashback. I'm assuming she won't be able to face him or Ururu until she knows Barragan is dead. Also quite interested in the Harribel connection. Pure speculation that the marriage to Hisana was for love (otherwise, why would Byakuya have cared to make a connection with Rukia) but the one to Harribel was politically-motivated. She's had very little playing time, which gives me the sense there is MUCH more to her. The fact that her motivations, past, and connections have yet to be revealed speaks very loudly.

"Maybe he'll do society a favor and die."

This made me LOL. Sadly, my job often makes me feel this way, too. :/

I really like that you gave Ichigo a foundation of faith & morality in his very immoral world. It adds to the already cultural contrast with Rukia, and from her actions, it seems as she could definitely benefit from this side of him.

I don't mind the pace you've set their relationship. She's obviously aware of the delicateness of approaching it, and other than viewing her as an intriguing enigma, I haven't read any other sort of interest he has in her yet. So without there being some mutuality of affection, it makes no sense to push the relationship too early.

I also quite liked the fairy tale comparison. Although, Ichigo must not be too schooled in the origins of fairy tales. Their dark grittiness and non-HEA endings are - precisely - the perfect comparison.

"She never turned her head back, even as he yelled out in a kind of desperation that was better associated with that of an injured beast, grieving hopelessly as the last remnant of sunlight withered and dissolved into the unfathomable blanket of darkness."

That was hauntingly beautiful.

What I appreciate about this story is that you've made it dark and realistic without sensationalizing it. You go right up to that line of honesty but you don't cross it - and that's what keeps it readable, gripping, and emotional.

Yet, even through all the horror in the chapter, the thing that stands out the most is Rukia's giggle at getting a hug from Ichigo. :) It's just that simple contrasting beam of light that breaks through all the darkness surrounding it.

Nice work mingling in the storytelling with building the fun dynamic between Hiyori & Shinji.

Oh Hanatarou! LOL

"By anyone's standards, she was beautiful; by Rukia's standards, however, she was a bitch."
"She hated that; she hated women who looked like they were living, breathing rococo sculptures, but in all actuality belonged in a burlesque theatre entertaining drunken, swine-like men."
"The silver-haired man smirked once again in strange delight, like a child-a cunning, malevolent offspring of Lucifer himself..."
All great lines and imagery.

Barragan is such a greedy bastage "wanting" everything.

Oops - that's some timing Rukia has. LOL

This is really gritty - I like it.

OMG OMG PLEASE CONTINUE

Oh yeah, a bit of review. LOL goldfish Ponyo XDDD
I'm soo remembering that movie xD Studio Ghibli is the best! ('')9

Anyway, if Rukia is supposed to be Byakuya's sister-in-law, then what's her last name will be? Sorry, I might not know some details from Bleach, like 'Rukia actually has a big sister called Hisana' 'cause I just started reading Bleach up to chapet 80 something or 90 something. Anyway, please tell me, well I do know that Rukia's 'soon-to-be-last-name' is Kurosaki (LOL) but I'm still confused, hehe...

Oh and please please continue! And also please tell me when will you continue! 'Cause I never checked my e-mail again, lol. See ya

Obako-chan97

how I wish you'd continue this story. It's truly exquisite.

nuss muito legal essa fic ichigo esta incrivel no papel de mafioso da um charme a mais pra adicionar a sua estensa ficha

Eu so nao gostei que Byby morreu T.T porque voce matou meu bya-kun?

De qualquer forma estou esperando um momento ichiruki em breve

Hey I need more of this! When are you posting another chapter?

And the plot thickens even more.

I still wonder at your characterization of Rukia, who seems completely off to me. However Ichigo's characterization is more strange. It sounds odd to say this, but he's simply too polite. Ichigo's rudeness is prolific in the manga and anime-especially when Byakuya is involved. Especially Byakuya. And in this story, he is completely reverent. I know that Byakuya is his boss, but it's a complete 180. To change it is huge, and you haven't given an explanation for why you've done so.

Also, last chapter, Ichigo addresses Byakuya as Kuchiki-san. That honorific isn't polite enough for a notorious yakuza boss; he'd call him "-sama." Also, you have Renji and Ichigo call Rukia "Miss Rukia" then "Rukia-san." You have to pick one and stick to it. Frankly, if you're going to use Japanese, then you have to use it all the time, you can't have the characters switching back and forth with honorifics. Except, of course, when dealing with characters from other countries, and speaking in a different language. However, as Rukia speaks Japanese, and I believe you're trying to make an effort to explain her immersion into Japanese culture, the Japanese honorifics are necessary. In fact, the more that you can "Japanese" this up, the better. You need to emphasize her role as an outsider, which-despite her background-she is.

You're use of Japanese words to describe the positions of Grimmjow and Kenpachi didn't quite work. While it... well, tacky to have the english word right after the Japanese one, because the word you're using is not something that would be easy for the average reader to figure out, it's best simply to use the english equivalent, instead of alienating the reader by emphasizing the fact that they may be unable to read Japanese.

Also, the airport in Tokyo is called Narita Airport, not Tokyo Airport.

On to chapter 3.

I was very intrigued when I read the description of this story. I love Bleach AUs, and I've never seen one quite like this.

The plot you are beginning to weave is as riveting as what I had come to expect from the summary. However, certain aspects of the writing take me out of the story, and make it hard for me to suspend my disbelief enough to enjoy the tale.

Though you say that Renji and Ichigo are members of the yakuza, I find that hard to believe through your descriptions. It seems unlikely that the first and second lieutenant would be responsible for checking out such a huge crime scene and not have any of their underlings around with them. Also, if the building was the scene of such a recent crime, I'd expect that the police would still be crawling all over the place, and that it would be locked. Of course, Byakuya could own the building-we don't know this; you don't tell us-upon which Ichigo and Renji would have access to get into it, however there would have been many questions about how and why the fire started at all, and what was stored in the building.

The way Ichigo and Renji talked about the "drugs" bothered me as well. It was all "drugs this" and "drugs that." Criminals aren't quite so open with their speech. They have different words for things, and certainly aren't quite so candid.

I know that I'm drawing on a lot of stereotypes for what I expected things to be in this story, however I feel that you led me to believe that I would find something in particular when I opened your story. When you labeled this as a crime drama, I expected certain scripts to be followed, and they weren't. Not that these scripts need always be followed. However, when you don't follow a norm, you need an explanation for why you don't, so that the reader understands what going in a different direction is adding to your story.

I'm not implying that you attempted to go in a different direction with your story, only that there wasn't enough description in this initial chapter to set up the stage where everything is taking place. The rivalry is explained well, however not the crime faction where Ichigo and Renji work, which is crucial, because it is around this faction that the entire story turns.

Also, you bounce the reader back and forth between Ichigo and Renji's perspectives in the first scene. It sometimes made it hard to follow what was going on. Not only that, changing between perspectives made it hard to get a clear view of the setting from one character's eyes. Because the story is about Ichigo and Rukia-I think-a reader would expect the opening to be told from one of their perspectives (in this case, Ichigo's, considering he is the one present in the first scene). However, it could have been a great plot device to describe the crime organization, the scene, Ichigo, and what Ichigo did to that boy all from Renji's perspective-especially considering that Renji has a very specific opinion of Ichigo, given that he has risen so quickly through the ranks. Not only that, the information that Renji thinks about Ichigo is crucial to the story line, as there is no way we would find this information out so early in the story unless Ichigo though it himself, which would be strange and self-serving, and not at all in his character.

I wondered at your choice to make Renji and Ichigo so high up on the food chain-Byakuya's first and second lieutenants-when they are so unbelievably young. When you're in the yakuza, you're pretty much in it for life; there would be a lot of older members who'd be far wiser than both Renji and Ichigo because of the sheer amount of time they'd spent as a part of the faction.

I suppose my main issue with the opening scene was that you simply didn't give out enough information. The information you did give I felt was inconsistent (the smell of "shit" in the building especially. Are Ichigo and Renji surprised by this stench? Has something of this level never happened before? Their reactions are muted here. Even Ichigo's "Jesus Christ..."-which was odd, since they're in Japan-seemed out of place because you never explained why this was so horrible. Not to mention that there is never a clear description of the place). You don't give enough information about Ichigo and Renji's life within the yakuza, and you don't give us snippets of what their lives are like outside of it. As I read, I was constantly wanting more.

I found your characterizations to be a little jarring as well. In Ichigo's case, you don't give us a very clear picture of who he is, and his character is very hazy in this first chapter. I didn't understand the need for Rukia's characterization as well. I didn't think she was bitchy; she was obnoxious, and I don't understand what purpose it serves to characterize her in such a way. That being said, I also found Byakuya too much of a pushover in their phone call. Even if he is dying, I can't imagine him letting anyone talk to him in such a way. He's a crime boss-he's not supposed to take shit from anyone-not even his first wife's long lost sister.

Rukia's chat with Byakuya was my biggest point of contention with this entire chapter. I couldn't imagine Byakuya actually sparing the time to call Rukia. For the matter, I don't think that he would send her a plane ticket in the mail. He'd have someone deliver it to her, because he's got people to do stuff like that. Also, I feel that you completely glossed over Rukia's back story, which could have been richer and better explained in this first chapter if, perhaps, someone had come to her door, or whatever.

I don't know if you currently have someone checking your work after you. There's a bit of tense confusion in this, along with some comma confusion that's very easy to clean up.

I'm sorry to leave such a long review. I hope you find it constructive. I look forward to reading the rest of the story.

You have not lost your touch! :) i really enjoyed reading this chapter and i look forward to more :) of course my favorite part was when ichigo let his mind wander about rukia. :) please update soon!