Brilliant! Write more!

Lots of love

Chiruda Hyuga x x

Nice.

Good, but always space after a punctuation mark.

Example: Naruto loves Hinata. He was determined to make her his. But what he didn't know, that she was already his.

I must say, a very well discribed piece. I could see each scene as it ocure. The character interpritation is also well done. And a well thought out plot even in such a short story. Good work.

Thankyou for the creative criticsm and praise.I just want to say though,that Ramen for the soul is purely for practice.I felt that since i haven't written in a long while I needed a wee bit of practice.I thought I had to write SOMETHING.

But thanks,And Im carrying on editing this first prologue to the story so It may well improve in the future.

Thanks

~Lychee

the 'akatsuki dreams' by Kantayra that is.

Nice, kinda reminds me of 'akatsuki dreams'.

Well, I actually have nothing bad to say about this story. But, I don't really have anything particularly good to say about it either. You did a modest job with the first-person view. But a first-person view needs a lot, and I mean a LOT of emotion. You could have put more in.

5.5 out of 10.

Don't let it get you down, though. Given that it's your first story, it's a really good foundation for something better. Maybe I'll see you in the future.

I got the first review, yay!

Really awesome Lychee! Hope you can get some more out soon! though I know you're busy with school and everything...

Happy to finally have some of your writing out thought! Now all of us have some fanfiction out! yay!

~Ami

x