This is amazing. I just love your writing style. It's so intriging. I love it, really, your writing is amazing. I have nothing bad to say.

As disturbing as I found this, your writing was incredible. I loved your use of 2nd person! I usually hate this subject matter, but you wrote it really well. I love how you didn't directly spell everything out, but still let the reader know what was going on. This was absolutely fantastic.

Hey you!

Just wanted to let you know that this story has been nominated for best Dallas over at GG&SCA! Congratulations and good luck!

- Tens

( ggscawards .webs ) - The address, in case you need it! Just...ditch the spaces :p

Well, well, well, I honestly don't know what to say, really. But you know, I'll think of something. ;)

That was intense-holy shit, it was intense. But I must say, the accuracy of the portrayal of the subject matter was dead on. Quite honestly, you moved me and sent shivers up my spine. Take that as a compliment. Whenever I read this kind of subject matter, either one of two things happen-I'm incredibly moved or I'm extremely pissed off at the nerve of people to write it in such a shitty way. You, my friend, have definitely achieved the first.

This was, without a doubt, rewritten on raw emotion. I can't emphasize enough how powerful the writing is. Second person really brings a lot of that emotion out, too-really draws the reader in whether they wanna be or not. Too bad it's technically against the TOS of fanfic. Oh, you rebel! But no worries. I won't tell. :)

Whenever I read there are certain lines that stick with me. And here I'll point them out because I'm just that awesome:

-"because pretending has always been so much easier than reality." So true. So fucking true.

-"The psychological damage is gradually making itself more apparent. Insanity is your best friend." This really doesn't make a whole lot of logical sense, but on some level, it still does. Goes back to pretending being easier than reality. It's easier to live in your own twisted head that to deal with things that actually exist. Very powerful.

-"But you never scream. You’re too busy trying to breathe." Perfect ending line. So accurate.

So, you probably know who I am regardless of the fact I was too lazy to login or type out my actual penname-and yes, I realize typing this sentence has taken longer than doing either. Bear with my insanity please... ANYWAYS, I once told you I wanted more nonslash. Don't get me wrong, I love slash, but it really is nice to read nonslash for a change of pace.

Andd that's it.

Well, honestly, as great as I thought this was as a one-shot, and I DID ask you to write more, I honestly thought it would stay a one-shot.

But THIS made my day. Honestly.

It got me screamed at by my Keyboarding teacher to read this during class, but I know if she read it, it would suck her in, too. Even though most people don't go through this kind of thing, you can almost relate to him. You humanized Dallas Winston, which is extremely hard.

No grammar mistakes as far as I can see. I asked you once, and I'll ask you again, write more.

-Sandy

In my review, I meant to say prologue, not epilogue. Though, now that I'm thinking about it, it'd make a nice epilogue, too. Either way, you should do nothing with it. *nods*

So, I said I was gonna review God knows how long ago, and now I'm finally getting around to it. This isn't going to be an insanely long review, like some of the others I've given you, but hey, it's something.

I'll start with the use of 2nd person. In my opinion, 2nd person can go one of two ways. Either you royally fuck it up or your write it exceedingly well. You royally fucked... nah, just kidding. It was executed beautifully, flowed well, and really made Dally's character tangible.

2nd person is definitely a risk with the subject matter you're portraying here. It certainly doesn't make for an easy read when the audience is being brought directly into Dally's pain-in this case, his fear of the dark. It's not a bad thing and overall, very effect. I liked that you took that risk and posted it despite the fact that it probably will turn off some readers. I, personally, liked the dark feel to the fic.

I just liked the overall intensity. It sucked the reader in right away and just kept you in 'til the very end. And then at the end, wow... what an image to leave with. Definitely a piece of writing that sticks with you.

Suggestion: I think this would make an excellent epilogue to a Dally fic-maybe a rewrite of POF. The subject matter, emotions, and intensity here really would line up well with what you started there. I know you've started more than enough fics/random over things, but if you were to pursue this, I'd really love to see it. :)

And now because I AM a Nazi, I'll nitpick the little things. It's what I'm best at. ;) There weren't many, though.

-Ironic, ‘cause you’re not religious, even in the slightest.- The comma after "Ironic" has to go.

And... you know what? There was only one.

I loved it, aero (You said you liked the namesake.) As much as I love your slash, it was nice to see something non-slash from you. You know, like to know you still can write other things.

Wow. I thought that was one of the most interesting things I have read in a long time. I love the darkness it had, how it pushed every terrible thing you could think of, but still didn't come right out and spell it for you. It made you think - thank you for that! I rarely think anymore.

You know my favorite line: "Warm breath against cold air, you know why you're so afraid of sleep—or is sleep afraid of you?" I still am in love with it! You psychobabbler, you.

His mother. Now, I love how he thinks of her as brave and beautiful, and her death as something to envy. And he has such a good point when you look at all the horrors that are in his life. There was a line I associated to one of my characters that I think really fits here: "My nightmares? They've got nothing on real life".

But still, it all comes back to haunt him when he lets himself sleep - thus the insomnia.

I also love the last paragraph where you have the skeletons in his closet described to be like pieces of laundry that never got put away right. The imagry was gripping! I loved it. Such a vivid picture about how Dallas sees his life, how he reasons out the bad things.

Well, you know I loved it and I don't think I need to try to top Jen, so I'll end this here and say keep up with the awesome work!

- Tens

Insomnia has been one of the best Dallas fictions I have read in months. Seriously. It gives Dallas more...depth than anything. Makes ya think about Dallas's early life more. It's so dark, it can be compared to Poe. But it was awesome.

A little thick, and goes off on a random tangent more than once, but when you read some of the lines...it's fuckin magic.

Write more? I beg of you!

nice. i love it. can't wait for an update.

It makes perfect sense, abc.

ANYWAY.

You know how I feel about this oneshot. I love it to pieces-no bullshit. It's raw, and heartbreaking, and it actually made me want to hug the guy.

Well done, as always.

:)

There seems to be a mistake - as if he is talking about two different persons, but calls both of them "Mom":

1)"Never could see the guy your mom had whored you out to for the night."

2)"And if it wasn’t you, it was Mom. Lovely woman with fine features and eyes that could stop time.(...) Brave lady—too bad he killed her."

This doesn't make sense.

2nd person POV, right? I love it. I've only done it once and it wasn't anywhere near as hard as I thought it would be, but in saying that, I've only done it once, lol. I think you have to have a pretty good mind to whack out some 2nd person POV the way you do.

No sleep, no rest. Cigarette to lips and you know why. - I'm sure you already know why I'm quoting this, but I'll squee about it anyway. Perfect opening. I love almost all of your opening lines which is possibly why I love the one you cracked out for me a while back, lol.

Mold's spread over your insides, killed them and turned them black. - Okay, icky, but oh so powerful.

you let them leave their marks and take everything you though had like you were just something to be used. - This line doesn't make sense. I thinkit might meant to have been 'take everything you thought you had'?

Never could see the guy your mom had whored you out to for the night. His hands on your body, and you knew that doing anything other than what he wanted would kill you. - Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. You kill me. You seriously freaking kill me and I want to hate you for it, but instead I just adore you even more.

At least you know you can use your mouth. You can thank New York for that. - Um, see above.

But like that’s ever gotten you far, right? Dad’s hand has left more bruises than you can count, and even if you could, you wouldn’t. Or would you? - I actyally love the whole paragraph that follows this. It's one of my favourite things about when writing. Like, when you begin something with one sentence and it just flows from there and you get a whole kickass paragraph about it. I don't know if that makes sense or if that's what happens to you, but the paragraph flows just like that. Like it came out really easily and was just meant to be.

Ironic, ‘cause you’re not religious, even in the slightest. - I don't think it matters what I'm reading of yours, I think I'll always think of Stevie and Two-Bit when I read something to do with religion from you, lol. Hm, Steve and Two-Bit ... you should get onto that :P

Doesn’t slam you against the floor, pin you down and make you wish he would just kill you already. And you can’t ever see because it’s always fucking dark. Face always pressed into hardwood or carpet, eyes clamped shut, devoured by something that you still can’t call by name. If it has one, that is. - And this is where I need those tissues you told me about, lol. Amazing, but horrific.

Put her six feet under because he hit her just a little too hard and her neck snapped just a little too wrong. - Nice description, as usual. Completely off topic, but it kinda makes me think of something else you were writing a while back that I need to begin hounding you about, lol.

What doesn’t kill you is going to leave a scar, and you don’t know what’s worse—being scarred beyond recognition or these things not killing you. - I might just be reading this wrong, but it feels weird. Almost as if it needs a question mark or more definition. Or perhaps the "or" needs to be "of". That would make more snese.

You are so ready to be dead. - Damn you. *Glares evilly*

And acid eats through everything, so the wound is more like one huge hole, burning and burning until you think you might throw up. - Um, just whoa. Like, I have nothing else to say about that line, lol.

Okay, I love that you begin with Dal not being able to sleep and finish with it aslo. I love that you begin with one thing, take us on a whole freaking journey, blowing our minds away and killing our souls (in a good way) and then come back to the beginning and end with something that fits so perfectly well.

I also truly adore the idea of Dallas having a loving mother. The image you gave of her coming into his rooma nd smoothing away him hair? Holy freaking crap. Seriously, you put her on a damn pedestal then killed her in the most horrible yet perfect way.

You know, I don't care how old you are and I don't care about some of the screwed up thing you write ... you're pretty freaking amazing. Some of the things you come up with (and not just crazy plots and awesome boysecks) are really, really great. Even little one-liners that I've never read anywhere else before, but are just really wonderful. Okay, I'm rambling. Great job, you know I love it.