After reading your flagship story, I had to read this one so here's the review.

The best part of this story would of course be how you used the idea of mirage systems. I thought that the idea was really fresh and cool, as I've never seen someone write a Pokemon fanfic about it. You really used the idea well and the whole idea about Dr. Yung's revenge and Ash and Drew trying to save May was full of suspense and action. I also love fics that make Drew be a good guy and the way that you used Drew in this story really fit my taste. Lastly, just like Final Challenge, the idea about the main character "dying" felt like a nice turn from all the other stories that have barely any sadness and angst in it.

The ending could have been more elaborate, especially with the case of Drew. But I also thought that the quick farewell that Drew gave to our couple fits well with his "cool" demeanor. Awesome story you have over here and thank you for the good read!

OMG SERIOUSLY! I was all sad and shit like "WHY TF WOULD YOU DO THAT TO MAY" and was just sittin' here crying like a bitch and then you tell me she's a mirage?! WTF. I'm not mad that she's alive i'm just mad that it was all for nothing and that Ash had to go through all of that for absolutely nothing.

Another great story although you did have me goin when May "Died"

I loved your story. I loved every part of every chapter! My favorite part was when Ash had May's bandana and beautifly while May had Ash's hat and Pikachu. That was so funny! I just have one request. Can you add a kissing secne next time? I love it when Ash and May get to kiss! So if you had added that it would be the perfect story (though you can't get much closer to perfect then you did!).

From the moment I read the fic, I felt that I was quickly hooked. I thought it was intense and interesting throughout. I really loved all the twists and the use of the Mirage. I'm glad that everything was alright in the end.

That was a great story, very well written, and great detail, i thoroughly enjoyed reading it

top 3 favourite shippings? hm, well my favourite is Advanceshipping no questions asked, second is Pearlshipping, and my third favourite is Abilityshipping

Luv the story! Hey I actually saw a fan art thats kinda related to this (well i think it is) . ?t9689&page8 Great story!

Hello Matkin22!

Good work on the story. I will offer my praise and critique as well, if you would allow me.

I found the alternate uses of the pokémon to be rather clever - Glaceon's luminescence and icy-spiked fur are prime examples.

I somehow expected Charizard to show up; he always seems to be there when Ash is at his most serious. Not to mention, Charizard is the closest thing to a dragon Ash has available, which have given Cal/Yung the most trouble in the past. Dragon Rage was icing on the cake.

Way to show Drew's inadequacy by having him bested by a pool of Magikarp on the first floor! I laughed.

There were a few plot-holes too. For one, a real would not suspend a mirage May over the pit. He could expect, had he won and killed May, that there'd be no way he'd survive the rage of two teenagers and their spare pokémon. Yung only had three pokémon, weakened from the 3v3 battle, that would not be able to protect him from Ash's and Drew's other pokémon for long. That being said, it would not be worth his life to pretend to kill May as opposed to actually killing her. I could grant leniency had he been a mirage as well, as his life would not have been in real danger.

There was the time where they considered Teleporting through the floors, and Cal said that the bricks between them were psychic-resistant. What is that to stop them from teleporting outside, then to the roof, and then bust through the weak cieling? It would take only a second to do all of that, not long enough to realize what happened and cut the rope.

At Ash's first encounter with Cal outside the House, he escaped through a locked door. Too bad Ash didn't think to use a pokémon stronger than him, like Blaziken or Snorlax, to break through it.

Wouldn't such a weak structure simply topple from a simultaneous explosion of twenty or more Electrodes? It would at least do more than shake it, as that was all Drew seemed to feel.

At the end, you devoted less than 30 seconds of conversation to May thanking Drew for his help too. I mean, he only almost drowned and lost his Flygon to a Victreebel trap, it's not like he would have wanted more than two lines to ask if she was mentally stable and whatnot - witnessing near-death experiences can do that to people.

I think I just need to lighten up and recognize that it's a cartoon, where some real-world logic doesn't have to apply. What do you think? Lol...

I credit your work, it's well done! Thanks for entertaining me this afternoon!

GdJpCfPkDm

ive read this story quite a few times, and i love it, its really good, even though i really dont care much for the pairing, i like, but i kinda prefer pearlshipping, but this story is really great, the story, is original, the battles are well writen, and well icant really find a bad thing about this story, dont ever stop writing

fdsafsafas how did I miss this for so long? .-.

Another great story from you, Matkin. Great premise, and amazing descriptions. I've never actually SEEN the Mirage Pokemon OVA, but I know the general plot. This was fun to read, though I DID think you'd gone the downer ending route again there. Suffice to say the reveal was very relieving. Good ending too.

Also, was that a Cell reference I caught from Yung?

Great fic, as always. Keep up the good work dude!

Dave

First off, your A/N is incorrect. I still haven't had a twitter yet. P

I'll be back last chapter to review.

This story reminds a bit of Kingdom Hearts Re: Chain of Memories for Ash and Reverse Rebirth for Drew and May gets to be Namine in Ash's story.

Very cute and suspenseful story here Mat, i really love the ending. much better than final challenge. xD

Anyway i hope to see more fanfics from you.

Until next time

~Midnightmoon602

This is one of the best stories, let alone Pokemon stories that I've read. It's very intense and emotional in a good way though. It's an amazing story.