well i was gonna leave this review on ch10 but apparently I've already left one there and I'm not allowed to do it again orz

every time i play jak x or watch something to do with it or even so much as think of it, i always remember this fic and how much i loved it and end up coming back to read it lmao
I've kinda given up all hope of an update since been almost 5 years since ch10 was put up lol but that can't really be helped and i definitely don't blame you or anything like that, so please don't get the wrong idea
i guess I'll just keep my fingers crossed that some sudden flash of nostalgia will inspire you to come back to this little beauty. until then, I'll just reread these 10 chapters to my heart's content lmao

I swear to god, I love this fix. It's practically perfect to me. The intensity of the races and the characterisation is impeccable.
I seriously adore everything about this. Still holding out for an update too orz

Wow that was awesome! Albeit not finished.

Okay, so maybe I was a bit brash.

Please, oh beautiful stranger 'O mine, will you consider updating this awesome thing you have here? I really wanna know where this whole romance thing is going, and I absolutely LOVE Jyil

YOU NEED TO UPDATE THIS FIC.

Like, NOW.

PLEASE.

shes on a winning streak, cant wait to read more

Are my eyes deceiving me? What is this? An update to awesome Razer-ness? Haha, I had NO idea this was updated so I apologize for the late review! And I was about to read some of your Torn goodness when I realized the update and was like OMGOMGOMG *Razer fangirl mode* and Tornie temporarily became second priority. Sorry, Tornie.

And I helped to inspire this lovely piece of awesomness? Yay! I'm so happy!

Anyway, I really adore Oskar. Cute kid. Loves his aunt. And I still love how he's a Razer fanboy. The umbrella girls, a reminder as to why girls can be more vicious than men. But I'm happy Jyil has made a female comrade. She definitely needs one in the environment she's in. And the panties crack, love! I could imagine Razer's face when a box of 'em was probably shoved on his desk and he was like, err, unless you're going to model these for me, would you so kindly remove them from sight? HAH! I think my favorite parts was reading the race and how Jyil almost got Shiv killed because she wanted to battle it out for first with Bowie rather than leaving it to Shiv. Then she wants him to cover her and it really goes to show how much they're betting on the rookie. I like that they call her rookie and they mess with her. To me, this is just the way they show their affection, even if it is immature or mean haha. I'm not sure Shiv would help so quickly though after having the rookie almost kill him. I feel like maybe she would have needed to say something extra to persuade him to react that quickly and give in. I don't know what. Maybe a threat involving Razer and pleasing him with the win or even a bribe, "Drink's on me tonight at the Hook now cover me, damn it!" Something along those lines.

I also like the descriptions here. I feel like some lines could be polished with stronger words to increase that adrenaline and excitement when you read, like when you wrote fishtailed. I really liked the image I had there when you used that as a description. So I almost wished that in some places, rather than narrating what really happened, you got a little metaphoric. Is metaphoric a word? Bah. I'm sleepy haha. This is only my preference though because even without flowering, it was written clearly. I didn't get lost and it wasn't too much.

I really enjoy the dynamic between Razer and Jyil also. It's obvious he's putting some trust in her to get the win and at the same time, he's going out of his way to, as you say, rattle her chain. Have her reassure him that she's gonna do her job. And she's all like, gawd, why do I have to deal with all these stupid men! Oh, you know you love 'em.

Anyway, this made me soooo happy! More I say! Also, do you have msn messenger? You and I, my friend, need to get Jak fangirling some time. *cough get one cough*

You're back! At least, you are at the moment. Curse you for this reminding me to work on Run Runaway some more. XD

I do so love Jyil's apparent hatred of Razer. All he does is be nice to her and she just snubs him. But I don't think that's going to last, she's clearly trying TOO hard. ;D

You do a fantastic job of describing race scenes, I must say. I somehow get the feeling that you're either like me and have raced the Dethdrome so often that you could do it in your sleep, or you were continually going back to it for referencing when you were writing this chapter. Perhaps both?

I like how Jyil's family still supports her, even if they seem to disapprove of what she's doing. And how she's doing it. I can't remember if you've given the reason for why they (as a family) dislike Razer so much and I've just forgotten, or if that's yet to be revealed.

Still love that good ol' Falcon of hers. It always comes through just when she needs it the most. XD

Very nice chapter, Hilts! I hope to see another update for it soon! Not that I'm one to talk...

Great as always, keep it up!

~GJ

WOOO! you have no idea how much this just made my day!

I missed this story. Haha.

Great chapter, very intense and action-y. I love it. :D You wrote the race awesomely. It was great. I can't wait for the next chapter!

-Becks

WOOOW! i cant wait until the next chapter is up! :)

"Oh, I'm going to die sitting in your lap!"

Oh my god...LOVEEE!

"growling to a crescendo as it went" Wow! I love this allready and ive only read the first chapter. Can't wait until i read the rest. The detail is incredible. :)

Ooh, ooh, this is so exciting! You've updated and now I'm this frantic fangirl reading this! Okay, okay, should I go with the constructive criticism first and then the sugar and flattery? I think we'll do that, so if you want to beat me up, the flattery might change your mind. X3

Okay, one tip I have is to watch when you're writing a scene like the introduction scene where it's meant to be meditative and nothing much happening. Sure, when you add more description for those scenes, it gives more of a feeling of time and puts the reader in the character's thoughts- which is what you want. The less you write and the shorter your sentences, the faster the pace feels. So, the pacing in the intro seems great, it's just too... step by step. Razer did this and did that before he did this and then he did that etc. You don't have to tell the reader every step he's taking and if you say he's heading over to his dresser to throw on a shirt, it's not necessary to tell us that he puts it on. I felt like only the beginning did that the most though. And maybe somewhat with Razer's entrance into Jyil's house before they get to the heated conversation.

Also, this sentence struck me as odd and I wanted to point it out to you in case I misunderstood: The latter wiggled his fingers and smirked again.

And be careful not to overuse certain words. I always have that habit too and then I have to go in a few times later to look on the good old Thesaurus in MS Word and change it up so it doesn't sound too repetitive. When you have a really long chapter, you can get away with repeating some words, as long as they're spaced out. I also take some time to chop some sentences up because too many long sentences become too much. It won't hurt to turn some commas into periods instead.

Now- flattery! XD I LOVE this! Like I said, short sentences create faster paces so I really got the sense of like flashing images and the anxiety from the nightmare in the beginning. And I'm curious to know who the woman was (most likely his past lover wink wink?) and what happened? Trauma! Ooh we love a brooding hawt man full of trauma. Shame on us haha.

And discomfiture! I've honestly never heard of the word so I looked it up and was like AH! Brilliant! I've learned something! Nice vocab there. Kudos for that. I love how you incorporated the lyrics and we learn a little something about Razer and what calms him is a memoir from home, which leaves me to assume he had a somewhat decent childhood. And he's a softie for old love songs bwahahaha! The duct tape banter cracked me up. As always Razer's such a tease but then when it comes down to business, he pulls the typical mafia move and does the, "Hey, you gotta pay me for protection," as they say after they either help you get the place or come wreck the place, if you don't do what I say, I'll mess you up haha!

I think my favorite parts of this was when she says, "I think this is the first conversation we've had that doesn't involve me trying to kill you. Or at least, it hasn't ended with me wanting to kill you." Razer shrugged. "We've come a long way." I absolutely adored that.

I like how we don't really know what to expect from Razer. I sense he may have some growing feelings for her, especially with the punchline at the end (which I also LOVED, perfect closure for this chapter and it leaves some lingering thoughts for the reader on him) but then he's also strict and not hesitant to destroy her if he had to. Blackmail. Good old blackmail. The kitchen convo was very tense and she must have been cursing him in every language as soon as he walked away, and yet, her nephew says goodbye. They say kids sense whether ppl are really bad or good sometimes. So I felt like it was a foreshadowing bc of that. If he was really terrible, her nephew would be frightened of the guy and instead, he's very friendly towards him. The waves exchanged were adorable. Aww, I want to be a little kid and hug Razer's leg! *cough* Okay, fangirling over.

Anyway, awesome update and I hope Razer can really back her up after she's pretty much stabbed Rayn in the back. If Rayn was trying to kill her before, now she's REALLY gonna get it, so Razer had better live up to his word, and protect her and her family. If not, there will be hell to pay. And I also enjoyed Jyil in her red dress. Nice image to send Razer home with. Anyway, can't wait for more! Thanks for the read! Ttylz :D

It's been a while but it was SO worth the wait :) another brilliant chapter, please update soon I can't wait to read more :)

Man it's been a while. I was actually thinking a few days ago about this story and wondering when you were going to update it. Haha.

another great chapter. I can't wait for more. :D

-Becks