:) cool story!

This is a interesting story! I like how you are focusing on Natan and not Amian unlike many other authors!
CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM TIME!
-when you wrote "time laps" it is supposed to be spelled, "time lapse"

Sorry, I am really sleepy and would write more.

Cheers,
Darkening Faerie

I thought that Ian would be competing with Will for Amy. I would like that much more and that way there is a romance for 16-year-olds and one for natalie and Dan. Emily should just end up with Will at the end but before Ian vs. Will would be the best ever! Like there was another ball and they both asked Amy and uh-oh it would be amazing!

And add more from Amys POV because your doing Natalie most the time and this story is IanxAmy... right?

Well, anyway, I like it. I love Ian I want to marry him. 3 If youve read the book where theyre in South africa I like it when Dan says "Be caruful around the bushes... South Africa is full of cobras... and not hot ones like Ian". And I dunno if Ian would like to date a Janus. Im Janus, yay!

Well Im trying my best to give you tips and make your story better. Thx for reading this.

16

wow! awesome story keep writing

It seems like all the 'couples' stories end with "Mommy and Daddy telling the story of how they got together to their children, which have the names of Grace, Hope, Arthur, etc...".

Grammer and spelling was good.

Overall, nice story. Wasn't the best, but it was good.

Ummm just one comment so far you switch POVs too much

Soooooooooooooooooo sweet!

AWESOME ENDING!

LOVE the story:D!

Totaly romantic!

Great story, i've read this like a 100x and still loving it but you shouldnt keep switching POV's so often.

Definitely write another fanfiction. You should try to use better grammar, but who cares? Great story!

)

Oh! So sad and sweet! *sniffle*

Majesty:give my love to your OCs. I love YA!

Nellie: -gasp-

I'm sad it's the end, but this is- or was- really good! Go Will/Emily! Go Natalie/Dan! Go Ian/Amy!

i LOVED the end. you should write another story.