Oh imposter, you're so funny. What is your fixation on my bodily functions?

I've got nothing on the Indiana Jones part due to the fact I've never been in the Temple of Doom, so I'll skip over that much.

Let's see. Hades was defeated in one paragraph with hardly a scratch to Katherine. Not a hair out of place either I bet. *yawn* How boring. It seems that she can kill people with her mind. Hmm, she certainly isn't being frugal with her newfound powers. Just tossing them around with no regard for property damage. Someone's gonna get hurt.

I love how Katherine doesn't even question her sanity. Even though she fought off the god of freakin' Underworld with her mind. She doesn't wonder if she's just having some seriously messed up dreams and that all this is really in her head. And she goes straight from realizing that she never left her bed at night to concluding that she must be more involved with Disney than she previously thought. There's no lead-in to that. Talk about lines of reasoning that don't make any sense. I'm hitting the mother-load here.

-"seriously I'm not even aloud to legally work"- OHO! Then what's she doing at Disneyland? Working? GASP! Why, I do believe that is what we call a contradiction. Legally, she's not allowed to work, but she has been hired (at the age ten or eleven) by Disneyland to act as a "secret employee".

I'm starting to think that Wayne can read minds and that Katherine only vaguely resembles a human being.

Neosporin. You meant "Neosporin". At least find the correct spelling for a product name.

Hey! I have major PMS! I give "constructive critism!" jk,

I give BITCH WHINES! My life is SO bad, I MUST use my free time in reading stories in and be a sanababich! I act as if this is ! And, by the way, I have a big frown while I'm reading this! I can't stand a little piece of annoying grammar, and I have to ****off all the errors. Bloody hell, I'm a FAILURE!

Ooh, an info-dump chapter! And a lame one too.

So your entire story is hinged on some flipping prophecy that is probably carried out to the letter. Don't you know that prophecies are the worst possible plot devices a writer can think of? The problem is that prophecies can be interpreted a different way by a different person, so what you're thinking isn't always what the other person is thinking. Now you didn't bother to give us the words of the prophecy so you've dodged that particular bullet, but the point still stands. Unless the good characters vocally acknowledge that the evil characters are interpreting said prophecy differently, don't bother using one.

Speaking of prophecies, it wouldn't have killed you to mention the darn thing in the previous chapter. Y'know, a little foreshadowing? Ever read up on literary techniques?

My, my. Katherine certainly is taking being surrounded by Disney characters very well. Personally, I'd be giggling inanely. And for the immature 14-year old Katherine REALLY is, she wouldn't be calmly strolling along like there's nothing wrong. If she got scared (and went to live with her aunt and uncle in Bel-Air), she'd be trying to wake herself up. No one experiences a scary dream without actively trying to wake themselves up. The desire to live is too strong.

Wow... I mean, wow. This whole chapter is lame. Everyone is way OOC and the "cliff-hanger" is only six inches off the ground. Where did the trap come from? I thought the Overtakers didn't know Katherine had shown up. Did they just arbitrarily set a trap for her because they knew she would show up sooner or later, even though they didn't have an exact date? Laaammme.

HOLY CR*AP! KATHY SUE'S A GOD NOW?

Is that- José Carioca? One of the Three Caballeros? I refuse to believe that's him, because José is NOT SPANISH. He's Brazilian. He's from Rio de Janiero. He speaks Brazilian Portuguese. Katherine SHOULD be saying "Olá meu amigo." Portuguese for "Hello my friend." Furthermore, "Senorita" is strictly Spanish. While I'm having difficulty uncovering the Portuguese word for "Miss" (as in "Miss Katherine"), the best substitute should be "Senhora" or "Lady" (as in "Lady Katherine"). Do yourself and others a big favor and watch "Saludos Amigos" before you even THINK about writing a character like José.

Onto your paragraphs (or lack thereof). A typical paragraph looks like this:

-I smelled the succulent smell coming from the candy shop as I walked past it and on to Adventureland, I went straight into the Tiki Room knowing that if Walt had hidden the crown it would have to be somewhere where he has been. All the birds stared at me, I hadn't announced show time yet. You see most people think that the birds are really automated by a button but really it's by voice. I looked around the whole room seeing nothing of interest, I turned to Jose and said, " Hola me amigo, do you know were the crown of balance is?" Not expecting an answer I turned toward the exit and started to leave. "Well it's defiantly not in here senorita, but to find the crown of balance your on the right trail. And remember senorita it all started with a mouse, but hurry they are looking for you." said Jose with a Spanish accent. "Who's they?" I asked but the parrot said no more.-

It really should look like this:

-I smelled the succulent smell coming from the candy shop as I walked past it and on to Adventureland, I went straight into the Tiki Room knowing that if Walt had hidden the crown it would have to be somewhere where he has been. All the birds stared at me, I hadn't announced show time yet. You see most people think that the birds are really automated by a button but really it's by voice. I looked around the whole room seeing nothing of interest, I turned to Jose and said:

"Hola me amigo, do you know were the crown of balance is?"

Not expecting an answer I turned toward the exit and started to leave.

"Well it's defiantly not in here senorita, but to find the crown of balance your on the right trail. And remember senorita it all started with a mouse, but hurry they are looking for you." said Jose with a Spanish accent.

"Who's they?" I asked but the parrot said no more.-

'Cause that's proper format. New paragraphs begin at the start of dialogue or whenever a train of thought has wound up.

I think this chapter is really where your whole premise starts to fall apart. Not surprising. It was too weak to last even three chapters. You hit the big reveal much too early. You really should have waited for chapter ten or something for the big "ZOMG! Katherine is Walt Disney's great grand-niece or some sh*it like that!" Even if Katherine wasn't such a Mary Sue, it would have been fun to see her utterly clueless about why inanimate objects and fictional characters keep springing to life around her. But no, you had to deny us prime moments of character-building, you b*itch.

Indian Jones?

Alright, I think Frumious Bandersnatch might have pointed this out to you the early days, but the kind of orphanage you're imagining doesn't exist anymore. Katherine should have been in a foster home long ago. Child Services work quickly to get kids into good foster homes as soon as possible. Katherine should really be living with a nice set of parents by now.

And thusly I have identified the problem with this story and its sequel. There's no conflict.

Katherine is an orphan living in an orphanage that doesn't so much as give a da*mn about her, or the other children. She has no adult supervision and by the looks of things, no friends either (art imitating life much?). Any conflict she does run into is quickly resolved with her as the clear victor and the loser thoroughly humiliated by her "rapier wit". There are no worried parents wondering why she might be limping after a fight with the Overtakers. No concerned teachers wondering why she's falling asleep in class or why her grades are dropping. No nosy classmates seeing cuts and bruises and shouting that she injures herself.

And if she did live in an orphanage, she wouldn't have her own room. She would be sharing it with other girls her own age. But then that would generate conflict which, in turn, would generate a real plot. But that doesn't have anything to do with Disneyland and naturally, that has no place in this story or its sequel! No, everything must be smooth sailing for Kathy Sue!

While I'm aware you wrote this story without a single functioning brain cell, do you think that's going to stop me from tearing into each chapter like it's tissue paper? Nope.

And remember what I said about commas. You'd better read up on punctuation while you're at it.

Whoa, whoa, hold on a minute. This is taking place at DISNEYLAND in ANAHEIM, CALIFORNIA, correct? Not WALT DISNEY WORLD near ORLANDO, FLORIDA. So they're in sunny CALIFORNIA (which hardly sees anything like thunderstorms, btw) and they're about to get a storm from the coast of FLORIDA? That must have been some storm to hold together all the way around the world just to hit Anaheim.

Because the weather goes from west to east.

You know what might have made this vastly more interesting? If Katherine did normal things like go to school and have a life outside Disneyland. Maybe if she was six years older than her stated age so it would have been conceivable for her to be employed and to have graduated college.

Thats a very awesome beginning! Loving it so far, Im very taken by Kat's personality.

THIS WAS AN AWESOME STORY! I LOVE IT! :D

What's kinda sad for me is- That the day after Halloween is my B-Day- and the Overtakers are trying to overtake the world on my birthday. It makes me feel sad D:

How come Jack Skellington and Sally aren't in this? (Well, I wouldn't know if they are in the park or not- but they HAVE to be featured somewhere right?)

MICKEY MOUSE!

SWEEETTT!

SHE CAN TIME TRAVEL?

Duuuudddeeeee

Is that girl important in anyother chapters, I wonder...?