Finally read the whole story again and I must say it is just as amazing and entertaining as I remembered. I am extremely glad you have not abandoned it! Can't wait for your updates!

DAMNIT! Right when everything was somewhat ok for her to

Good chapter. Epic bonus.

Omg mark and sabrina really are scary people. Bot are stalkers.

The chapter was so interesting and serius with little fin. Aww the bonus was so cute. I agree with Denny " such cute kids"

Aww in the chapter Vaught was so sweet. The bonus omg i laught so hard...lol the karma hit mark so well.

Yes hulk is from Marvel. Woow with the chapter.

Auch poor nataly seriously. So sabrina is kimd of tje competition forma Vaught...i really can't understand how's that posible in the game.

I insiste i really like the info. at the end. The USI was the funniest. Lol

I lke the fic it looks so interesting. And for some reason i like the information at the end of the chapter.

Oh, crud, fanfiction ate the lines I had seperating all my commentary in the last review. I just hope it's barely readable. (I also find switching perspectives at the drop of a hat a little... dysfunctional, certainly for someone amazing like you writing something like this. You also kind of abuse hyphens.)
Anyway, Will's in this story, but not Lily/Suiren? Aw, shucks! (I think Denny's bird is Popper in English, also.)

Sorry if I'm a bother at all - I get really... well, you've seen my other review, right? I was looking forward to this fanfiction, and still am, but it seems I'll get in the way of my own joy.

At the beginning, I immediately noticed that you did not keep a consistent tense. Chelsea's dad asked, but later he puts. Chelsea then puffed. Also, "somewhat smiled slightly" did not exactly flow in my head nor did "no longer acted childish in years" (although I understand if it may have been that way to you when you wrote it - or maybe it's just how I personally think it should be? Nonetheless, perhaps "slightly smiled" would be less redundant or "no longer acted childish" or "had not acted childish in years" or maybe use the phrase "child-like" in place of "childish", or, hell, another word entirely.) (I also seldom appreciate direct characterizations, of appearances especially, but what with her parents being more minor character, I assume, I guess it works? Maybe it would have been better to just describe them through Chelsea, which you did, but it feels odd to see it cut in half in such a way.) "Don't encourage him, Mom, by laughing!" or "Don't encourage him by laughing, Mom!" or even just "Don't encourage him!" (The first on is closest to what you put, but commas separate who she is referring to in her imperative sentence.) I'm not sure if one of these should be a question? "A place that doesn't even require you to have a degree." is preceded by a few questions, so this seems odd to look at. It's "shuddered", not "shuttered". "Solemn" means "formal or dignified," as in ceremonial, or "grave, mirthless, sober" Is that what you really mean? I can see it fitting, but other words may have been better. "Sometimes, he could be such a jerk at times!" (This sentence, also, is redundant.) You could just say "link" instead of "words on the sidebar." The apostrophes in Mark's letter are misplaced. (Quotes and italics would be better.) What's a poster got to do with her parents? "Finding it ironic..." Who is? Try "[Name] found it..." or "It was ironic..." Chelsea says "Do you want me to stay there!" and "Am I supposed to ignore it!" and I'm sure these are questions more than exclamations. The way you set up dialogue and actions is weird. It's hard to tell who's talking. (Mark's action, paragraph break, Mark spoke, paragraph break, Mark's action, paragraph break, Mark talks again, those can all go in one paragraph. Also, you refer to them by name borderline too much. Pull back a little and refer to them by names when appropriate.) "Mark felt so happy he wanted to cry - in joy..." Wait, what? You tend to repeat things, I've noticed, and there's an excessive use of the term "of course." "She hung up her phone first and then Mark hung up" He can't exactly hang up when the call's ended, but he can put the phone back... You don't need to announce the start or end of a flashback, you know. Just know how to transition between scenes well. Could Mark not tell anything from Chelsea's voice?

This is getting out of hand, I'm sorry. It's less like a review and more like something an editor or English teacher would say. I'm sure you're busy enough to not have time to pay attention to fanfiction. The few here are just a fraction of the oddities in this chapter, and most mistakes and the like follow the same lines. Funky sentences, superfluous words, and technical errors. I'm just so nitpicky, it's inhuman. The entirety of your writing is amazing in general, just from how much you write and how well thought out every detail is. I mean, I /thoroughly/ enjoyed the prologue. It's just, I've read so much /bad/ fanfiction in attempt to find the good, whenever I see something weird I go mad.

Update please! (even though i have my guesses as to who the criminal is) still want to know why though! :)

Come on! It's been half a year! Update!

Ha ha i like about kuu not blinking you should make them have a stsring contest