| Reviews for not thinking about anything |
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ano chapter 1 . 1/17/2012 aww. Sorry if this is an inadiquite review or if im just being sappy but I almost cried a little. Just a little but still. awwwww. |
applepielover chapter 1 . 9/11/2009 I like the description you provided, and the literary devices you used. Very poetic and good character interaction. -*- Corrections/Feedback: {It’s not like it’s the stranger business to meddle.} I think it's "stranger's." {Yet she is only able to glimpse a mere shade of dark green against the lighter hue of green grass.} A comma after "Yet." {Her head lowers, and the curve of her neck teased by falling curls and thick raindrops sways from left to right and right to left once more.} "thick raindrops sways" confused me. Maybe "thick raindrops swaying"? {Still her eyes are shut, two doors that refuse to open lest she crashes into something.} A comma after "Still." {The next he’s at the entrance of his house, leaning on the door frame, the girl in boots and bangles, swaying in her melody.} A comma after "The next." {And she sits on the stairs, near him but not next to him, beneath his porch and they share the roof in silent lucidity.} I believe there should be a comma after "near him." {It lingers for moment, before the nameless girl tilts her head and walks away.} "a" between "for" and "moment." {Dressed in blue she swings back and forth on the playground swings, legs moving higher and lower as the momentum rushes up and down as she rises and falls with the wind on her face.} A comma after "and down." {A thousand mysteries, lost in starry sky of illusions and enchantments.} "a" between "in" and "starry." {Important things are forgotten, foolish things are remembered and the harlequins that arrive in monotone colours layer out the foundation that is destroyed like sandcastles.} I believe there should be a comma after "harlequins." {They talk of silences and idle dreams and they fit in a way that a princess and her knight do with their boundaries uncertain and the challenge clear.} A comma after "idle dreams." {Together they eat the packet of sweets, watching the dusk slowly streak into motion.} I believe there should be a comma after "Together." |