Nice chapter! Nearly gave me the creeps while I was reading it! Poor Ken! Hopefully he'll still be alive... :D

It would probably be easier for people who are already following this to replace all the chapters on here :)

Read this all in one go and I have to say, this is really good so far! Your characterizations are very good and the plot itself is very interesting I hope to see an update from you soon to see how this story progresses! :D

wow this really good, very interesting plot! I hope to see an update for this soon

hope you update soon btw what pairings do you have going on here? Is it Tk/ken? davis/ken? i hope so i do love a good yaoi

OOOH please udpate :)

The idea is interesting...but I'm going to point out a few grammar errors you might want to try and fix. Just a bit of constructive criticism...nothing big. I wish someone had told me this way back when...my writing would have been better.

XD

Anyway...

To start with, there's a difference between "your" and "you're".

If you mean for a character to say "you are", you use the contraction "you're".

If you want to show possession, then you write "your".

For example:

Character A says: "Hey, that's not your hat!"

Character B can respond with: "Can't you share? You're such a cheapskate."

Both were used in the correct way in the above. In your first chapter, there were tons of instances when it should have been "you're", but you wrote "your".

Next is the thing I had the most trouble with, myself...the homonyms known as "then" and "than".

When comparing one object to another, you use "than".

When referring to a period of time, you use "then".

For example:

Character A says: "I know I'm taller than you!"

Character B can say: "Then we just have see for sure!"

In the above, Character A was comparing themselves to Character B, so the word used is "than".

The "then" and "than" takes a bit to get used to, and you might have to consciously think of which to use for a while. But once you start to get the hang of it, it'll come naturally.

Some of the scenes in the first chapter seem rushed...perhaps fleshing out the chapters and characters a bit more will help with the depth and the reader's attachment to it, too.

Those are the two biggest I found...I'm glad that you put dialogue on a separate line for each character that speaks, as plenty of authors don't even do that.

Keep on writing and improving your writing! w

omg! POOR KEN! T~T

OMG! U NEED TO UPDATE! XD

It's a good story so far. Keep it up.

I am very impressed. I'm glad you already have two chapters up. I'm reading the next one right now. Keep up the great work