Reviews for Last in the Family Line
IarIz chapter 1 . 9/29/2018
back story for Naoto. YES. that police man need to shut his mouth.
Ryoji Mochizuki chapter 1 . 5/8/2017
I
Mirimo27 chapter 1 . 7/10/2013
Great backstory about Naoto, I'm glad everything here was so IC for her. :]
Extra Gone chapter 1 . 2/25/2012
And that's how Naoto developed her gender complex and her habit for using lots and lots of tape~

I love how you delve into Naoto's character with your fics. You really are the best at writing Naoto.
saphren chapter 1 . 1/22/2012
Naoto's past is interesting and does show how she ends up with her personality. Syupid policeman saying that to a six year-old girl
Sepsis chapter 1 . 10/11/2011
Very interesting backstory, I think it sounds realistic. :) I can understand Naotos way of thinking. (damn you, mean policemen, for saying such things in front of the girl..Well, and for saying them at all!)

And really cool that you stopped the story just when she arrived in the town.
Tempest Kiro chapter 1 . 8/3/2011
This was definately an awesome read. You captured Naoto's mental transition through growing up awesomely! 3
LeaxoftheUnderworld chapter 1 . 7/6/2011
This is just amazing! You perfectley captured her personality and actual made me a little emotional. Nice job! XD
Resha04 chapter 1 . 9/26/2009
Love this story!

But the police who came to her house when Naoto was six...I wanted to kick his ass! His words were so cruel it would shatter any child's heart
Crouching Tiger Hidden Shizuru chapter 1 . 8/29/2009
That was amazing.

I would give you pepsi if I could. :!
Lady Cheshire chapter 1 . 8/21/2009
Beautiful.
Individual Twelve chapter 1 . 8/17/2009
As usual, zero, I love your work. The remarkable thing is that although I'm not really a massive Naoto fan- was rather uninterested in her in the main story, although I never got round to her Social Link- I found myself very interested indeed by your Naoto. Your characterisation is excellent as always, and I like how you've done Naoto's backstory. Good stuff.
Kefka VI chapter 1 . 8/17/2009
Nice introspective into Naoto's character.
Rayless Night chapter 1 . 8/15/2009
Great work, as usual. I like the structure, each section leading off with season, time and age. It feels like a checklist, or a clinical testimony.

The viewpoint works well, somewhat internalized but also rather distant - fits with Naoto's personality. Great work with the details too, her enjoying high places, hitting the trunk in frustration, etc.

I also really like how you play up Yakushiji's role in Naoto's upbringing. It's an interesting dynamic between a child and someone who should be a father figure but is also a servant.

Crits:

I did wonder how Shirogane managed to cover that Naoto was a girl when he'd been forthcoming about it before (section two), but I don't feel like the fic really needs to go into that.

Section six, might've liked to see an allusion to the moment where Naoto and Shirogane came to the agreement that she'd be a boy (or if they ever did, and it didn't just build over time without the discussion ever between them). Given that Shirogane was concerned about Naoto earlier, then is shown to be totally fine with her quirks felt a bit jarring.

Section eight, "mild sense of dread...", given the rest of the section, "mild" might be the wrong word, as she's clearly upset. It feels like the dread is suppressed, not calm. Whatever the case, you could also shorten the line by taking out "sense of".

Looking forward to the next story. :)