Its written in a similar style as Turkishs narration in the movie. Simple yet clever, and the story here is very simple too but its very genuine and bittersweet.

No, poor Tommy! He deserves a girlfriend. Besides, he's handsome, and although he seems the cowardly type of guy, he is in truth a brave man, as he showed at some point on the film. I'd have liked seeing him with some girl as his girlfriend or something like that; pitty the film had no romance!

Nice. Tommy is such a wet blanket. HA.

I like how you captured the choppy, to the piont naration that they have in the movie. It was a very appealing one shot. Good job.

hmm good story i liked it i feel bad for tommy but he's lucky he still has turkish to talk to. i also have a story idea that you can use a story about why tommy can understand the pikeys.

I like your story I am looking forward to see how it turns out should you continue to write it.