Good job on this. :)

Good story. But I just have problem with one thing. Earlier you said that Aki's condition was stabilised. And now she might actually die any time, the change just seems a little too sudden considering how she's only been lying in a hospital bed doing nothing. Good luck with your job and please continue writing

Great job on the story I liked it alot, please keep going and update soon thanks.

neh... how did this happen? I see the authors note saying you had already started writing the next chapter and that it wont take long. that was over a year ago! This story is amazing! it caught me immediately and i'm hooked. Please dont let this story go unfinished. Your story is amazing in plot and grammar. I hate when stories like this end up unfinished! I understand life keeps ya busy but just think about it?

poor yusei and Aki. Hope she gets better. Update soon

Great, good intensity, nice description, not OOC, characters were executed beautifully. Grammar could use a little work, but I'm loving it so far. I must say, you are one of the best authors in the 5D's section. Haha, actually, you're the only one other than Azaria Stromsis who I think have big potential. Really, keep it up, lovely work.

Oh, haha really? Thanks so much, even though my fics suck ;D Well I'm glad you like them, it really means the world to me. So thank you.

OMG I relly love this story I can't believe how much I like it! I can't wait for you to post the next chapter but in the second paragraph it says 'Being wanted to be the first one to see her when she opened her eyes, Yusei never left Aki’s side.' I really can't understand that and I suggest that you fix it.

Sincerly

Baka-chan, Snoopdogg123

All right, so. I finally sat down and got myself to read through the first chapter-I have been meaning to for a while now, but various things have gotten in the way. Overall, the one thing I want to say is this: your story is not horrible. In fact, I love the plot, especially the vagueness; this kind of stuff is right up my alley. But-of course there is a but-I am not crazy about your writing style.

That is, however, something that I can't order you to change. I will say, though, that it is distracting and can take the reader's attention away from the story. For example, I was having a hard time pinning down what tense the narration was in. Usually I don't care/notice what tense a story is written in, but I did notice in yours; it felt as though you couldn't pick a tense and stick with it.

Of course, the tense switching can be part of a style! Maybe some kind of avant-garde sytle? Perhaps I just don't get it. However, I also noticed that you do not use many complex sentences. Jarring syntax can be used very effectively, but I do not think that you utilised it well, if that is what you were aiming for. My advice would be-if you're going for a sparse, pragmatic style-would be to work more on making the sentences leaving the reader feeling breathless, harried, and rattled rather than stumped.

One last nitpick (sorry!):

Your prepositions are wonky sometimes. For example:

There was a delay in Yusei’s part.

It should be 'on', not 'in'. I'm only pointing this out since, regardless of style, it is technically poor structure.

I hope this doesn't seem like too much at once-really, it is all just my opinion, so you can tell me to shove it where the sun doesn't shine-but I think that this story has so much potential to go wonderful places. And I am sure it will, since you seem to be good at other elements like characterisation, dialogue, and mood. So, basically, keep going, because, on the most part, you seem to know what you're doing! It is just a shame that some (picky) readers (like myself) will be put off by something like style.

That was brilliant! I really enjoyed reading it so much! please update soon! I loved it!

Well you don't have to listen to everyone. After all, you ned to establish your own writing style.

Anyway, I have no critique. Best 5D's fic I've read. And believe me, I usually give brutally honest, below the belt reviews. So kudos.

This is a good story. Please continue. Yusei and Aki forever.

I don't know what happened to Aki... What did happen? What caused her to be in this accident? Why is Yusei sorry? I mean you did say that he wasn't able to help her in this incident, but did he affect the outcome in anyway? Was he the cause of this tragedy?

So many questions. Yet I see a lot of potential in this story, especially the way you

a) gave the details of Aki's wounds (poor Aki) while at the same time creating a sad mood through Yusei's point of view.

b) made the characters the way they should be...especially Yusei. I have noticed many times, that Yusei is told to be a guy with NO emotions at all. In other words, a Vulcan. Watch the show again, and you see he empresses his emotion when:

1) Rally is "killed"

2) when Martha is "sacrificed"

3) when he dueled Godwin and started talking about "bonds"

So the fact that he burst into a tears of sadness here makes perfect sense. He is human.

Keep writing.

Hm. It should happen for real in the show, however there are some points I wish to hit.

It feels like half the time you are writing like this:

The dog has good eyesight, but often crashes into things. The sky is blue and so it is nice to look at. There were many plane crashes in the ocean today.

In other words, it feels as though you chop off your sentences because you have no direction due to the following scenarios:

-You come up with one detail and then the next hits your head and you think to yourself, "Oh god I can't lose that!" so you immediately write it down. You then ignore where you were going with your previous statement.

-You don't know how to create complex sentences yet. All of your lengths are very conformed, and it very much appears as though you have some kind of word limit on them.

-You think short sentence lengths such as your "He could only pray" have a lasting effect on the reader. That's only the case if you've had macho sentences/words preceding.

-You are struggling to haggle more complex words into your writing. More or less, it sounds as though you thesaurus humped.

If those arise, do the following:

-If you absolutely positively will not remember your thought, write it down, but go back to what you were originally writing until you flow into that particular sentence.

-Play.

-Follow advice.

-Write what you feel, not what you feel others want to read.

Okay now I think this paragraph fits very nicely:

"He kept on gritting his teeth as he remained his position, fixing his eyes on the unconscious Aki as if he was waiting eagerly for her to open her eyes. To his regret, nothing happened. She remained lifeless, lying in a hospital bed surrounded by different life-supporting apparatuses and needles and tubes attached to her. The sight of her could make one capitulate into tears but not him. He remained strong and steady—but the question was: how long…"

Then you hit the last two sentences. Oh noes! How to fix? Okay.

Second to last sentence cross out capitulate, replace with better known equivalent. Doesn't fit well with the rest. Also "but not him" and "could make one"? NO! Are you writing in childish omniscient? And then at the end of your last sentence, "but the question was: how long..." same reason I just stated. Bad, bad, bad omniscient. Reason being I'm harping on this is because you never say "I" so I'm assuming you're attempting subjective?

And trust me, if I didn't think you/this were/was any good/had potential, then I wouldn't have put all of this down because that would just have been wasting my time!

Okay, well I hoped I helped! By the way you should listen to the orchestral score of Jurassic Park or better yet the soundtrack to Walking With Dinosaurs! But don't pay attention to the Ballad of Big Al unless you're thinking "RAGE". Also I would say if you're ever in the mood, watch the "New Blood" episode of WWD because of how emotional it is; it really puts things into perspective!