You had some technical errors ("would have bee caught," "further more," "look Ivan in the face and telling him," etc.). Nevertheless, there were some creative phrases that made this worthwhile, particularly the last sentence of the first paragraph. The parallel sentence structure worked well, especially with this length, and allowed you to expand on your motif without abandoning it.

Oh, I love the last three lines.

Liking it secretly. Love how you touch on that in an analyzing way.

~PT

Aww, poor Liet!