Well at least I'm not a dyke like you*

You put a comma before like, which made the girl say she's a dyke too. Improper punctuation changed the meaning of what you intended to mean.

Actually now I'm thinking I was wrong. Maybe your sentence is correct. Ha ha sorry about that.

Omg, please continue with the story ;;;

Well at least I'm not a dyke like you*

You put a comma before like, which made the girl say she's a dyke too. Improper punctuation changed the meaning of what you intended to mean.

When they mentioned Kimberley and it was said nobody else was "nearly that small" is extremely awkward phrasing

Wow, I was in suspense with this chapter. I wasn't expecting Francesca and Daniel to get killed so quickly, I thought that they had a lot of potential, but Nicole isn't messing around. What I did like was how Daniel reflecting on Mackenzie's death was what ultimately got him killed. It was sad and sort of tragic, but it was a sign of humanity. I was rooting for him to get away or to kill Nicole, anything but what happened, but I'm starting to really like Nicole's character, although I do actually hate her. Jasmine is another character I know nothing about but with the information she now possesses, she could play an essential role in Nicole's story, especially if she meets up with Steve.

I liked this chapter a lot.
Nicole has potential. She seems like someone to root again, although her fear/admiration of Steve is intriguing. I wonder how it will pan out if they meet again. I didn't get too much information about Daniel and Francesca. Luciano's death was sudden and although I was surprised, I felt a little underwhelmed because I didn't find anything distinctive about his personality, other than the fact that he harbored some ill feelings toward Daniel. I think that Daniel and Francesca may be easy targets for Nicole and of the two, I'm interested in seeing where you take Francesca's story line because she seems to have a good head on her shoulders. Daniel, being a pacifist, may not be cut out for this sport, but you can't really tell until a person is killed, especially after reading Kimberley's death.

Alright, so we deepen into the stories of Anne-Marie and Sebastian. I'm still interested in their backstories and what not. The world that this story takes place in seems a little dark, with very few allowed to buy guns. It might seem peaceful or tyrannical, whichever way the coin lands. Anne-Marie, who I thought was more sweet than anything, really showed her true colors this chapter and I'm feeling a little unsettled for Sebastian. There is more emphasis on his intelligence so I wonder what sort of factor that will play in later chapters (if he makes it that long). For an early chapter prediction, I think Anne-Marie will attempt to end Sebastian's life sometime soon and he will either retaliate or succumb to it.

Callum, Ewan and Jonathan seem interchangeable sort of. Their personalities sort of mesh into one; none of them have any distinctive traits to set them apart from one another and all of their death scenes are rather similar (trusting the wrong person). Peter is a bit intriguing, killing a classmate in such a condescending way, but at the same time I also don't know much about him other than he's dangerous.

Alright, so the start of this chapter was well done. I like that you've characterized the instructors a little bit more. The female seems trigger happy, which could make for some twisted plot points down the road. I'd like to see more of her, her backstory and her motivations, as well as an explanation as to why she's so pumped to see these Survivor games, considering this is only her second one.

I liked the part with Jonathan and Leo. Jonathan wasn't really characterized too well, just as the archetypal popular guy who used people to advance his own agenda. I mean, don't get me wrong, I could see the situation and it wasn't typical in the slightest, but I didn't really get a feel for Jonathan or his personality. Leo, on the other hand, was very distinctive and a bit of a psychopath. I don't understand why Jonathan gave Leo the knife though. I thought that part could use some revision because it didn't make sense to me. Well done chapter though, these kids are dropping off like flies.

Wow oh wow. Two characters introduced, both of them killed during the first hour. I liked Kimberley and honestly I thought she'd last longer than this. She seemed like the sort of emotionless, methodical person who would have figured out how to properly play the game. I was prepared to hate her. Ewan, although interesting, wasn't really fleshed out too much, so I couldn't get a good sense of who he was. Did he want to play the game? Was he just there to help her? One thing that bothered me was that Kimberley was determined to join a group of boys but as soon as one, an athletic one, pops up, she tries to kill him, which gets her killed in return. A major error on her behalf but also a bit contradictory to her character's goals. Still a really well done chapter.

That was a great introduction to your version of the game. Two days seems a little short but I am interested in seeing how you manage the time limit. I didn't care for Anne-Marie much, mostly because I couldn't get a grasp of her character. I know that she's both envious and respectful of her sister but does that factor into her personality? Sebastian is the one I'm most interested in, since he was mentioned in the prologue as well. I like how people regard him as the stupid one (and even he does himself). I also liked the way he played dumb to deny to himself that he was in Survivor along with the rest of them.

Although it's a second prologue, it's still alright. It sort of just heightens my suspense in what's to come. Once again, I'll note how much I like how you set the scene to the audience. The ominous tone of the classroom, the organization of the students at the desks, are very foreboding.

This prologue really sets the tone of the story. I sort of knew Maxine was going to be a goner but it didn't make her death any easier. I appreciate that you didn't overload the prologue with too many characters and viewpoints. I have kept track so far of the three students introduced without feeling overwhelm. The way you set the scene was interesting too; not blatant at all but very smooth. Great job with this chapter!

The way Sebastian reacts after he shoots Anne-Marie reminds me of all the flashback scenes of Ghost in Halo Legends: Prototype. I liked the way things worked between Anne-Marie and Sebastian while she was still alive, and it upset me when she died, but I see a similar type of dynamic in Leo and Olivia now. However, unlike with Sebastian or Anne-Marie, they are actively playing the game to ensure their survival.

As for Tyson, I'm sure he's a goner, having that wound, and with Leo and Olivia, both armed, going at him while he himself is were four guns brought to the fight. (Leo x1, Tyson x2, Samuel/Bryan x1) Since Tyson ran out of ammo, and Olivia took his spare gun, this leaves Sam with the last gun, and with little attention directed towards him. Sam has been shown to be conflicted when killing people, especially when their backs are turned. Would he stay that way, or would the loss of Bryan cause him to kill Leo, Olivia, or both? Maybe he won't do anything and let them kill Tyson, as he ordered Bryan to go out there and do something in the first place. That cliffhanger raised a lot of questions for me.

I remember in one of the notes, you requested that people leave reviews so you would know that people are reading and if they like it. Once I finished the last chapter, I told a friend about this fanfic, and she liked it too. Hope you update the story!

Thank God Steve and Mia are finally dead! Couldn't stand those two. At least they might be together in the afterlife now. I think it's almost comical how the others just ran away once the shit hit the fan with Nicole and Anne-Marie. I'm glad Nicole is still alive though.

I like Anne-Marie too, and Sebastian has grown on me a bit (though I still find him a bit annoying). I'm curious to see how this continues, please do update!

Peter has had a relatively good death for all the bad things he's done, but that is the way it is isn't it? Poetic justice doesn't happen in real life all the time. I liked it. His mistake was to go so overconfident. Thinking he was invincible just because he was ready to do whatever it takes to win, and because of his weapons. It was a big big mistake to enter in that house when he was outnumbered. A lot of things could have gone wrong. I loved when Michael says "I always thought you were a weirdo". It's that realisation of not knowing what someone is capable of until they're in a situation like this. Also very stupid of Peter to demand to know about the plan to get out of the island after confessing his crimes, its not like they're gonna let him go. I definitely wouldnt.

I disagree with Stacey that he might have been useful, he was a loose cannon, even if he had useful traits, it's too risky. He's better dead. It's impressive how Elizabeth alone reached to that conclusion, I hope the plan goes as expected, a part of me wants them to escape. The other wants blood. xD Good cliffhanger, I can feel the tension building up. Kiran turning on Josh is hard to believe and it doesn't seem like they're welcoming them back.

Everything in order in the control room, talking about dead kids while eating spaghetti and meatballs lol. Miss Rothman does have a personality! She's not gonna let them to hit on her that easily. I love how the guys act so different whether shes present or not. I don't picture any of them getting lucky with her. I even picture her being into sado and stuff sooo...
xD