:) although you could use a beta.

Amy: I-Ian did...
Dan: WHAT? Are you kidding? Please tell me you're kidding.
Amy: (blushes furiously)
Dan: Nope! None of this business! I'm going to show that cobra the true powers of NINJA DAN!
zentanglebubblegum0624: Which isn't much, right?

And it wasn't. THE END ;)

ZB

uhh... I'm really sorry and I'm not trying to be rude, but it's Kabra, not Karbra...
:D Plz don't be offended
ZB

Please please update soon I crave more!

nice story, update!

MMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Write more or else

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. so cute!

why did you just stop the story!?

I'm so sorry, but this story sucks. The grammar is bad, there is so little punctuation that I can't even laugh at the mistakes. The plot is overused, but others make it work. There is NO punctuation. Punctuation should be a writer's best friend, and, by the looks of it, its your worst enemy. Oh, for chapter one, how would they see the invitation? You never said they opened the mailbox. When you said Tokyo, it's actually Korea, which every fan knows. And, lastly, there is no time. Unless I am mistaken, you never said how long after the clue hunt this took place. All in all, it's sad. You get good reviews from the bad type of fan girls. It gives you motivation to not do anything about the errors. It gives you false hope that you're a perfect writer when you're, no offense, not even close to being one. Please consider this and improve or delete your story. It's so bad with mistakes, it's not even funny.

The Bearer Of Secrets

U must write more!

Good story!
CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM TIME!
Mmm. The grammer was a bit off, you need to have a !,.,? after she/he says something.
Cheers,
Darkening Faerie

this an amazing story now thats christmas break is around the corner chould you please update your doing a wonder job its really sweet i wish i could wright such a good fanfic. oh love the guards part. last thing could you some how or another get seinade off ians back. but if thats part of ur story line go with it!:) cant wait for next chapter! u rock

Ian and Amy are meant for each other

In all honesty, I'm kinda disheartened at the grammar. Kindly work more on improving your grammar. Also, some sentences were misused or were quite illogical. Such example would be the second sentence: "So they were walking back from school when they saw an innovation, Dear Amy and Dan, you have been invited to the Karbra Christmas ball on Christmas eve." I believe it should have been "invitation" instead of innovation since innovation is a way to recreate something into something better (such as a design for pastries).

Also, I don't know if it's just me though, but "Kabra Christmas Ball on Christmas Eve" seems kind of redundant. It is already a given fact that when the word "Christmas" is accompanied by the word "ball" (thus making Christmas Ball), it would occur either on Christmas itself or the eve before Christmas. Therefore, it should have just been "Kabra Ball on Christmas Eve". I would honestly go on and point out all the grammatical errors but it would be too gloomy for a review.

Let's go on to the bright side, shall we?

The idea, although somewhat overused already, has potential. I really believe you could do great with the right encouragement and help from your reviewers/fellow authors.

Seeing as this is only the 1st chapter, I do so hope the following chapters hold more interest and have more improvement.