YEARS later and this is still one of the ONLY 3 fanfics I still think about to this day... it’s crazy. I’m 24 now and don’t really read fan fictions any more but I had to come back just to see this story again for the hell of it. I actually think one other of those three is also written by this author lol.

You Clever bitch. I did not see that ending coming, with the VLog thing. You get Mondo Kudos.

Absolutely phenomenal story. It was a pleasure to read beginning to end.

Overall this was a pretty good AU fanfic and for the most part I enjoyed it. I felt that you did a good job at writing the characters perspective and how people would react in certain situations such as misunderstanding and the general fear of moving forward in a relationship. The insight into each of their struggles was well done and usually lacking in many other romance fics, the pacing was pretty good overall as well. While there were some parts that I felt dragged or other that seemed kinda rushed you did a good job, keep up the good work.

However I do have some critiques that you might find useful in your future writing.

First is the side cast: The side cast wasn't very fleshed out for example Riku, who is Sora's best friend and also a great friend to Kairi, we don't know much about him other then he's cool, sexy, and a good friend. Also some of the people were there just to fill out the roster. For example Demyx, He was literally introduced as the guy who everybody is ok with but not really friends with anybody and is there just to fill out a group. Even a few sentences here and there could have fleshed him out to feel like an actual person. For example have him be a musician that likes to play guitar at parties or on the beach. Mention him in the background playing in the park during the spying scenes. A little bit here and there can go a long way to flesh out the side cast to be more than just people filling out space.

My second main critique is Sora who I felt was lacking for most part. Don't get me wrong you got is personality and general disposition down very well. What I mean when I say he is lacking is there isn't that much that makes him unique or explains why he is the way he is beyond being a generally positive guy. So here are a few examples
1. How is Sora so athletically fit? In the story Sora is an incredibly fit person capable of outracing Kairi (a hardworking athlete), keeping pace with competitive volleyball players, as well as a few other things here and there but there is nothing about his lifestyle that would indicate that he would be this fit or active. For the most part his choices of activity when left to his own devices is to either nap or play video games, both very sedentary activities. He also doesn't have any physically active hobbies that he actively pursues. He will participate and enjoy actives when invited but he never actively sought them out.
2. What are his hobbies. The way written he likes to do a lot of things but he doesn't have any hobbies aside from the aforementioned sleeping and video games. This makes for a pretty boring person in general. He has a lot of things that he can do in the games that you can draw inspiration from.
For example Game Sora enjoys sword fighting that could have transferred over to fencing for Story Sora or some form of martial arts (especially since his "aunt" is a martial artist herself).
Game Sora is also a very skilled Skateboarder which would be easy to transfer over to the story
Game Sora is also good a terrain traversal, especially in the later games, being able to high jump, double jump, glide, flowmotion in dream drop distance. This could transfer to some track and field events or my preference parkour. Having Sora be an active free-runner would explain a lot about him such as why he is so fast, how he is able to slide across the room to catch a falling Kairi and would make for some interesting interactions like Selphie telling Kairi that she saw Sora jumping off a roof on run off.
Taking one or all of these things would have made for a much more well rounded Sora.
3. Why doesn't Sora have any friends back home? There is no mention of who Sora hangs out with in Twilight Town. You could say this is because he didn't have a lot of friends except how couldn't he. He is extremely outgoing and friendly to the point were he is making friends with people he has only met once or twice.
You could also say that maybe he is just bad at keeping in touch with people while he is away but that doesn't make any sense because he kept in touch with Roxas and Riku enough for them to consider each other best friends even after they haven't seen each other for years.
To fix this you could have a couple of scenes where Sora is texting some friends back home and filling them in on whats going on, have sora be getting off the phone from talking with them or even have Riku, Roxas, Ventus, or Namine ask him how some of the other people in Twilight town are doing.
I understand that you kinda wrote yourself into a corner by using most of the main cast for Destiny Island people leaving nobody for Sora to have at home but you could use the Disney Characters to fill in this role. Donald and Goofy are two of Sora's best friend in the game, you could have him hang out with Herc the wrestling team captain, or have him free-run with Tarzan.

Answering these questions in the story would have really fleshed Sora out as a character and made him seem like he had an existence outside of his visit to Destiny Island.

Like I said before, this was a great fic, I liked the character interactions and overall story, work a bit on fleshing out the entire cast and you would have been near perfect. Keep on writing and good luck on your future project.

p.s. I also wasn't that fond of Axel's interpretation in this story being made into a sort of sex junkie with a b**** girlfriend. In the games he is a total mom friend and would do anything to protect his "babies" from other jerk people.

This was an absolute joy to read! It had a great voice. There were some cute moments, some drama, some humor.
10/10 would reread

Amazing story, it's very fluffy with some drama here and there but I love it. You managed to pull off a whirlwind summer romance between Sora and Kairi very nicely, great job!

I love the story so thanks for making it man. You did great.

Ah sora. How young. How naive. Why go for either when you can have both! *sips from his mocha* ahhh delicious. Man it's great being an adult.

d b l"

Hey. Amazing story. I loved it all and I hope u keep writing amazing stories.

really love the story so far! Especially the way they met! Hope a bunch of other people can say they agree!

This fan fiction is one of my absolute favorite! I've read it 3 times and I'll read it again and again. I feel like I'm going back to meet old friends each time I read it again. Please continue to write so many people can feel so happy when they read your work. -

very good and interesting story!

omg i love this story so much. its so well written ;u; i dont want it to end...(even to the point ill stop reading for a few weeks to a month or so lol )i just finished chapter 7 and i love the amount of detail and progression u get through in ur story. each character truly feels liek they have their own personality. it doesnt feel like the generic feeling some ppl put into a character. even tho they arent ur own, u portray them so beautifully and rich. I hope u create ur own stories and publish them in the future, ur talent shows strong.

Amazing story! Great character development and just the right amount of tension and drama to keep me hooked. Seriously really great work on this fic I can't count how many times I laughed aloud. Thank you for the wonderful story.