super sweet! love it cant wait to read the rest!

Cassie was a MAJORRRRRRRR Mary Sue. She pretty much defines the term Mary Sue! This story was highly unrealistic, was rushed, lacked depth, and just plain ridiulous. Honesty you should just delete it.

I hope you dance is not by Faith Hill, it's by Lee Ann Womack... but otherwise pretty good.

cool my parents were married august 13th!

i love this chapter and that im a bridesmade. and so is tammy lol love the story

love ya

lol i was with you when i read this and you used my birthday your so sweet

love ya

Well I read all the chapters so far and I have to say I have never read a more predictable main character is a total Mary-sue - which upon reading the author's note I discovered you didn't know know what it meant. But still, think about it; does a beautiful girl, who is a poor little orphan who immediately gets everyone's love and sympathy because she's so adorable, and must have good grades because she became a valedictorian- that's the word fir the persn who gives a speechat graduation sound very realistic to you?I don't mean to offend by your grammar is desperately need a beta. You should read your fic over and correct he typo's.

You have lots of potential, you just need to work on those points; and please pleaseget rid of the papa bear thing if you can. Or at least don't use it again. Please. Remember the gang are very respectful of their cousins, dally, that waiterfrom earlier chapters, AND curly shepherd wouldve had more tact than that.

Personally the switching POV thing could get seriously annoying, not that other fics don't do it, not that I haven't done it, it's just that they get confusing. Try third person omnicient, it's much smoother and doesn't ruin a moment.

Good idea and over all good oc.

When/ if you start a new fic- because it seems like you are too deeply involved in this one to change much- you should bear these tips in mind.

Look forward to seeing more from you.

Please don't take this as a flame, I mean no disrespect or insult to your fic.

Peace!

nice kels and i think u forgot that soda knew too so why was he shocked

nice chapter and since i know whats comeing up i cant wate for the next chapter

nice

wow kels that was funny and sad i really dont think she is a Mary-sue

I like it, but the whole " "" " gets annoying. It needs to be put into paragraphs and cleared up more.

Update(:

Awesome, Didnt know you read the outsiders.

ahahaha Cassie beat Chance up!

thats funny!

soo the chapters are pretty shortt but you update you're story than most people but you should have more to add in each chapter.

Good job though!

Hello! I am just wanting to send you a little help. It appears that you have had your writing fingers slapped on here a bit so I wanted to try and offer you some encouragment and some assistance too! (I would much rather read an honest review as opposed to one that just tells me how great I am and never offers any real feed back.)

Read your story outloud. (I have been nailed on this before, but it was about my punctuation. If you read it outloud and it doesnt sound like a person talking it is time to revise it!) Your dialogue is suffering because your written delivery is lazy. You have great potential to be a very good writer. You are just killing your dialouge by writing it the way that you do. You really need to break up your sentences. For lack of a better word, it is sort of lazy to have two people talking in the same sentence. Some people just get stuck on grammer and punctuation. It isn't their fault, they just have a GOD given talent for being a great editor.

Look at other peoples writing and read some of their reviews. That is a great way to grow as a writer. Pay really close attention to the people who have been contributing for a long while. They have been burned, flammed, flogged and all the other words that go with a critical review. Then take those reviews and make yourself better. Watch how they write. They know the in's and out's of this site.

I (and this is just me) hate when people jump around with everyones POV. That gets confusing and frustrating. It is really hard to read sometimes.

I am a big fan of writing in 3rd person. Again that is just me. It is just so much easier to get caught up in the story as a writer and a reader. I was a member of the 1st person club when I read the Outsiders when I was much younger. I also worte a lot in 1st person until I started writing on FF. It has really helped me to improver and hoan my skills. I am no a professional, but I am getting so much better by using FF.

You need to find yourself a good Beta reader. Yes, that means that you will not be able to write and post instantly, but it will mean that your work is so much better. All great, good and so-so authors have and editor. Think of your Beta as your editor.

Do not rush the development of your story. Details are so important and it will draw your readers in. Again, this is something that has been spelled out for me more than once. You never want to rush your details.

Mary-Sue... I have been accused of this at one time or another. They happen. When ever you have an O/C you will have the chance at a Mary-Sue. I get annoyed by them, just as many people do. You can fix this. Make your charactor believable. It is up to you how you want to describe your charactor, but just take the time to make her believable. Study yourself in the mirror and figure out what makes you uniquily you. You can be amazing and not be perfect. Just take time. Time is so important to the development of a great story. I have had to learn this the hard way.

So, I have bombarded you with a lot. Take and use this experience to the best of your ability. Try not to laugh too hard at my spelling and grammer as they are my TOTAL downfall. The most important thing I can say to you is to just continue to write. You will get better. Do not be afraid of an Origional Charactor or O/C as we like to call them. Just make him, or her believable. You are off to a fine start. Don't give up!

Lean on everyone here for support when you are frustrated. We have all been there and we are all capeable of making huge mistakes. I have people that I rant to quite frequently over reviews, etc. Anyone will listen and if they are a good person, they will encourage you.

I hope that this review does not hurt your feelings, it is not meant to.

Keep it up... Dont ever give this up! You can do it!