You're asking for reviews, but just know that fics with an OC that is a girl, has angst/hurt/ strength and secrets greater than the crews, and romance with a SH member are on the lower end of reviews.

Big meanie Zoro! Sure his swords were gone but does he have to take it out on her? I hope that he apologizes for what he did. Nice job and good luck with the next chapter! :)

Wow! The mystery surrounding Reika deepens and make me wanna read more of it.

Update soon! I expect a great pay-off for all these set-up so far D

Cool plot btw I never would have thought to create an archer character...I can't wait to see what comes next.

Ha! Zoro forgot his grog. However, I really wish he could just learn to trust poeple more or at least develop a trust radar so he can tell who's friend or foe. Nice job and good luck with the next chapter! :)

Hm, this chapter was interesting. Makes me very curious how she just switched moods like that. :3

Oh, one thing though. Right here: "...legs dripped blood hazardously. The blood slowly trailed over the already scarred flesh..." Be careful on using the same words so close together. You can subsitute the word for "it" or a clever phrase such as "life's water" or etc.

Overall a good chapter though :D

Aw... that's so cute how she acted. But I hope she can defeat that creepy guy so she can feel truly free. Nice job and good luck with the next chapter! :)

This is a very interesting story I can't wait to see how it progresses, awesome job

Originally, the Avenger was going to reply to this chapter noting that he is impressed with the improvement in the writing, especially since Zaya has put to use some of the advice the Avenger gave.

Then he finds out that Zaya, after replying to his review AND sending the Avenger a PM offering a truce to boot, then chose to BLOCK the Avenger's replies.

Seriously, what is the point of writing a message in such a way, ending in a manner inviting a reply (REMINDER: Truce?) and then blocking and preventing the Avenger from replying? Isn't that cowardice of the highest level? Is Zaya that afraid of what the Avenger might say?

The Avenger had called Zaya's actions childish. By presenting himself as if he was open to criticism and welcomed a response, then blocking the person he challenged to respond so they couldn't reply... Congratulations, Zaya just proved it.

Incidentally, Zaya shouldn't put his arrows in his holsters. They would be too short and the arrows would fall out for one, and second, they wouldn't have been made to hold the blunt end of a gun. They wouldn't be reinforced to withstand the sharp end of arrows which would pierce through the leather and stab (and poison) the poor fool who put arrows in a holster. That is, if that holster wasn't the type with holes at the side for the arrows to slip out to begin with.

That's why research is important. Intent is not. Results are.

Some last points to clear up:

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You practically called me ignorant and lazy. Plus, you called my writing drivel. You've pretty much shown me disrespect through the entire review. And i reacted based off of that. So you cannot called my behavior puerile when you try to personally attack me through, pretty much, both of your reviews. So, sorry to burst your bubble, but if you call me things like childish and trivial, then that is what you're calling yourself *chuckle*.

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Respect is earned. By the way Zaya moaned and threatened to discontinue writing if he didn't get good reviews, and the poor effort he showed so far, he has yet to earn it. He almost did earn it by improving a little with this chapter, but then he stabbed himself of the foot by showing off his immature side in presenting a one-sided argument and not letting his opponent reply. *shrug*

Let's call a spade a spade. If Zaya didn't do his research, and then chose to write as if he knew about subjects he knows nothing about... then he was ignorant and lazy in his writing at that time. Period. No amount of sugar-coating will change that, and that's why the 'label' drivel was warranted.

It is not wrong to call drivel drivel. And it is not a sin to make the mistakes Zaya did in not researching. But it is wrong if one lets it remain so. To his credit Zaya didn't let it remain so, albeit ungraciously.

All that said, the Avenger never criticized Zaya directly. He never said "You're a moron" or "You're a talentless hack" or anything of that sort. He said more of: "Your writing is lackluster, here's what you did wrong, here are ways to improve it."

He only criticizes your writing, your flat original character and your lack of effort in research. Zaya needs to grow up and learn the difference between that and personal attacks.

And Zaya really needs to stop being so scared of replies that he asked for. Getting the last word in on an argument is soo... kindergarten-level .

The Avenger freely admits he is arrogant in his reviews. It is part of his writing persona, as is the third person referencing. But he KNOWS his reviews have concrete points behind them, and what's more... Zaya knows this as well, otherwise Zaya wouldn't have incorporated what the Avenger said into his current chapter. (Though the Avenger hopes Zaya does know what a composite bow is by now though, and not just copied it wholesale from the Avenger's review).

The Avenger won't be blocking YOU BTW, he doesn't not believe in that kind of thing. Zaya is welcome to counter.

Good luck on your writing. Zaya demanded reviews in his summary. The Avenger gave it to him. If Zaya can't handle it, Too bad. The Avenger would rather give his time to someone else who makes better use of it.

So she left to join them? But, what happened to Cage? Did he abandon her? Anyway, Nice Job and good luck with the next chapter! :)

This goes back to "HorusTheAvenger"

You pointed out some very valid points about the amount of angst one could feel for someone they do not know so i understand the faults i have with that.

And i didn't try to put my OC on a pedestal, that is just what happened. Honestly i was going to base the entire story around Zoro mostly and have the girl come in and out of it.

But about the "calling a cat an elephant" part. i do not believe what i did could be compared to that, honestly. i took two things that could hold weapons/ammunition and could be strapped to the body and switched them. i didn't do it with any illogicality intended.

But, i don't understand where you get me have this childish behavior from. How you wrote your first review, you pretty much attacked me,

"It's not that hard to do research nowadays you know. There's something called Wikipedia where you can look things up reasonably well. With the internet you have it easy and don't have to trawl through libraries for reference. Make use of it.

Please learn the difference between the usage of "your" and "you're". As in "YOU'RE quite horrified that The Avenger found YOUR writing lackluster." Not flitting in and out of different tenses would help as well."

You practically called me ignorant and lazy. Plus, you called my writing drivel. You've pretty much shown me disrespect through the entire review. And i reacted based off of that. So you cannot called my behavior puerile when you try to personally attack me through, pretty much, both of your reviews. So, sorry to burst your bubble, but if you call me things like childish and trivial, then that is what you're calling yourself *chuckle*.

And, alright, i made a mistake about the reason you snapped at me based on my terminology. My mistake. But i didn't say you were a Lord of the Rings fan based on your archery knowledge, but on the number of favorite stories you have by based on that specific fiction. S the Robin Hood comment is rebutted. In addition, you don't have to be petty and insult my intelligence, once again, by saying that i don't know what sports are in the Olympics.

But if you think i would stoop so low as to attack someone through their reviews because you believe i have some kind of vendetta against you, you have less respect for other people than i gave you credit for. Now that would be a trivial action.

Oh and BTW, i'm a guy. but like you said, one can't always be right.

(And a word of advice, speak/typing in third person makes you sound snobby and pompous)

But on a lighter note, i call for a truce. We both acted, not as mature as we wanted to be portrayed. So, truce?

While The Avenger is glad that some of the critique came in useful, he is sad to see some others missed the point on many.

1) There is nothing wrong with angst. Angst can be good if not overdone and done well. The Avenger will be blunt here: zaya is not doing it well. Angst does not work well when the reader has not had time to be acquainted with character one is supposed to be angsty over. It does not go down well when one overdoes it. This is different than if it were a canon character, because the reader already knows who they are and likes them and is sad to see bad things happen to them. They cannot care about someone they do not know or like.

2) Like another reviewer has already noted, people read fanfics for the canon characters mainly. This does not mean one cannot have original characters, but when one puts the focus on mainly the original character, and sweeps aside the canon characters without due consideration or respect, the only result one will get is an irritated fanbase. If you have an OC, try focusing on their interplay and chemistry with the existing characters first, not putting the OC on a pedestal and in the spotlight 24/7 because "she's the focus of the story". Readers do not like being told they should like a character, which is what zaya has inadvertently done by giving her too much attention. In doing so zaya has turned the poor thing into a Mary-Sue, the original character that everyone loves to hate.

With regards to swapping around "holster" and "quiver" as being creative, the Avenger finds the argument illogical. It is tantamount to saying if one draws a picture of a kitten and calls it an elephant, he/she is being creative. Frankly no amount of "creative" argument will change the fact the kitten does not equal elephant. He/she is merely misinformed. Period.

Since zaya likes to be creative, the point about the hair colour was a hint to let zaya know that she is being repetitive and uncreative in her descriptions. There are other ways to describe a character without using her name OR hair colour. Consider exploring them.

The Avenger also finds zaya's personal attacks and accusation rather puerile, childish (again) and ineffectual for the following reasons.

It is a fallacy to assume The Avenger is a Lord of the Rings fan just because the Avenger has an in-depth knowledge of archery. *chuckle* Zaya would have had better luck accusing the Avenger of being a Robin Hood fan... at least archery is more prominent in that tale. Yes?

But since Zaya wants to know, The Avenger actually has real-life experience in archery and fencing (these are both olympic sports, FYI), and this is why he dislikes misrepresentation of his hobbies. *pats zaya on head* Sorry to burst zaya's bubble. Try rebutting The Avenger's arguments instead of piling on personal attacks. It works better.

Speaking of other personal attacks, One only tends to resort to personal attacks when they can't rebut an argument. For this reason the Avenger keeps his reviewing separate from his writings on purpose. It is a trap to see if anyone would actually check his profile, see no writings and try the well-worn "you don't write" personal attack. It is a maturity litmus test, and zaya fell for it, the Avenger is sorry to say.

As to why someone would write for reasons other than reviews: the Avenger had been under the mistaken impression that zaya was writing for the sake of improving her writing, and not for the attention and glory. In which case zaya would have written the story and finished it for herself and for the love of her art, reviews or not.

The Avenger candidly admits he appears to be wrong there. Ah well, one can't always be right. C'est la Vie.

This goes to The Avenger:

The prologue is supposed to be full of angst, my story is majority drama. I'm pretty sure angst and drama work well together.

And about the out of character part for everyone. I kind of noticed that myself as I reread both chapters a couple times. I was actually rewriting the first chapter because every one was so out of character. But you blow it out of proportion because I made Zoro: break out of his stoic nature in the prologue, since one of his nakama was dying and all, plus you don't know the full story as to why the OC was dying, and say like one line that put him out of character in the first chapter. And I barely mentioned Chopper at all. After that, I made it clear that Zoro doesn't care about the OC.

Yeah, I'm trying to make the OC out as a great fighter; but not better than the others. I just made her that successful in the fight because she was, as I said, prepared for it. The way she acts matches up with her past, which I was going to bring up in later chapters. So her actions may sound confusing and senseless, but it will make sense later in the story. And it may sound rushed because I'm not perfect with introductions, it's not that I'm rushing to get to the romance; I'm really not worried about that.

I constantly described the girl's eye/hair color because I didn't want to give her name yet. She steals the spotlight because this beginning section of the story is all about her. I actually didn't realize I described a bow that way, that was very ignorant of me. But about the "holster", I intended to use that term to make the OC less put together and perfect. Plus, I think not having everything match up is more creative, to me at least.

And I would find it pointless to write a fan fiction if you do not receive reviews. Why waste my time if I going to think no one is reading them.

And I like all of "YOUR" critiques. I find them as good sources to tie up loose ends in my stories. That's the main reason I request reviews. But "YOU'RE" pushing pass the line from being a critic and being an asshole. You point out every flaw but at the same time, you haven't written one fan fiction yourself so don't try to bash my writing and myself about something you haven't even tried. And I do my research. Like I researched your profile to realize that you don't have any self-written work and (probably) the only reason you pointed out the archery terminology is because the majority of your favorite stories are Lord of the Rings, which has an archer as a main charcter.

heh heh, Reika. Did you choose that name out of awesomeness or the meaning (love song)

Ouch. The Avenger feels that this prologue was so full of angst that one can't help but hope that whoever who was dying would just get on with it and die already.

Secondly, why is everyone out of character? Zoro, the stone faced stoic warrior who didn't shed a tear at the Going Merry's funeral acts like an angsty wimp, while Chopper doesn't act like Chopper at all, and everyone else is a cardboard cutout of themselves put there to be a piece of scenery for some new character no one cares about.

The Avenger realizes you are trying to make this OC out as a badass fighter with a heart of gold and love interest for Zoro, but right now her actions make no sense, feel very contrived and FAKE. Probably you intended to show off her overpowered and cool skills and then endear her to the crew so she gets to join, but the premise you are doing it in is so badly done we get the sense you are rushing through the introduction so you get on to the part where she can fall in love with Zoro or whatever.

The problem is, you are going through the motions but you're failing to tell a story convincingly. Or even interestingly. You used the description "raven-haired girl" 7 times in this single short chapter alone. It's a hallmark of bad writing when you have to constantly use the hair/eye colour of a character to describe a person.

It's as though there is nothing else notable about her; her character has no depth and the only thing you can remember about her is she has a bow and raven hair whatever. So to compensate she runs in roughshod and steals the limelight from every other single character. It's mind-numbingly boring.

It is also not a good idea to make this OC of yours some legendary archer bounty hunter when it's painfully obvious you do not know the slightest bit about archery. Or at least do some research before you embarrass yourself writing about something you don't know about.

For example, no one describes a bow as an "archer's bow". You can have a "long bow" or a "compound bow" or a "recurve bow", but describing a bow as an "archer's bow" makes no sense. It is like describing a car as a "driver's car" instead of a sedan or a hatchback.

Also... that thing you put arrows in? It is called a "quiver". A holster is what you put a GUN in.

It's not that hard to do research nowadays you know. There's something called Wikipedia where you can look things up reasonably well. With the internet you have it easy and don't have to trawl through libraries for reference. Make use of it.

Please learn the difference between the usage of "your" and "you're". As in "YOU'RE quite horrified that The Avenger found YOUR writing lackluster." Not flitting in and out of different tenses would help as well.

Lastly, threatening to not continue if you don't get reviews? I have no idea whether "childish" or "desperate" best describes it. Probably both.

You could probably improve your writing if you keep on practicing, but you need to wean yourself off this dependence on praise to continue first, or else you will keep churning out well... drivel like this.