You had good ideas, and you did well on grammar and spelling. It is nice to see an unusual pairing.

Concrit: I feel it would have improved your story if you added more detailed descriptions. Feelings, taste, touch, smell, and thought. Everything you write builds the world for your reader, so take the time and paint the picture slowly.

Tip: Spoken word should be seperated into a new paragraph when possible. Also it is much easier to understand if you make a new paragraph for each new speaker.

Thank you for sharing, and keep writing!

InternalPanthara

I have to agree with you... Although I'm a very fanatic naru/hina lover this was a get nice doc... goodjob...

col

this iz the first time i read a fic about this pair it's