honestly, this is way to dramatic.

the swine flu isn't as bad as everyone thinks. it's just like the regular flu except it just spreads a lot faster. people are dying because of underlying medical issues and the inability to seek medical treatment.

do your research before you write something like this.

As a reader of fanfic I know you have to suspend reality to read these stories. However, when they involve epidemics that already put people in a state of fear I feel it is irresponsible to write about something you have no knowledge of. I'm a microbiologist. There is no vaccine. Booth and Brennan wouldn't die from it unless severely immunocompromised. Swine flu is a flu. It's the next step of flu evolution.

The only other problem with the story is that it is in all bold lettering-hard on the eyes.

I'm going to be honest, and I hope you won't take offense to this. This story is poorly written- you need to be more careful of 'their, there, they're'. They have differences, so look it up. You have many spelling errors, such as 'aaranged'. And you said that they were isolated due to the disease- so how was the vicar (by the way, Booth is Catholic, so it would be a Priest) able to perform the ceremony? In addition, Booth would have received his Last Rites, which is a Catholic sacrament. And they both miraculously died at the same time?

I also feel that the timing of this story is inappropriate due to the fact that the Swine Flu is still extremely dangerous and a major worldwide concern. There have been many deaths already, and it is certain that there will be more. You should have chosen a different topic to write about, or have waited a few weeks to post the story. Honestly, I think that this is the equivalent of posting a story about a school shooting just days after one.

I understand that you did not mean to be offensive or callous, but you still need to put more thought into when you choose to post your stories.

Sincerely,

Beth

I'm going to be brutally honest here. This is amazingly depressing and would make a very good story if you used a different topic to base it off of. I feel that the timing of this story is inappropriate due to the fact that the Swine Flu is still new and has effected so many people and families. It is also a major concern to thousands of people. There have been so many deaths already including a two year old child here in the United States. I think you should have put a little more thought into the effect that this story may have on your readers before you posted it. Either that or you should have waited until the threat of this flu disipates or goes away completely. You have no way of knowing if this story is going to be read by a member of a family who has lost a loved one due to this illness. Personally I believe that they may be offended that you would post this.

-Alyssa

aw! u made me cry :( i liked it i feel sorry for all those who had died from this disease :(

Aw poor BB :(

First of all, don't you think it's just a little crass to write a story about a virus that has killed over 150 people in one country, and is spreading? It's almost as tacky as writing a 9/11 fic on September 12, 2001.

Even though this was quite short, it was difficult to read since there were no paragraphs to visually break up the content into managable fragments. Additionally, many of the sentences ran-on also (ex: "There [I think you meant 'they'] meant to get married tomorrow...). Breaking up these run-ons into separate sentences will also help the reader.

The entire story was in bold. While using a bolded font would have worked to emphasize certain words, or make a small piece stand out, using bold for all the text made the story appear clunkly.

Also, it would have helped to use the principle of 'show, not tell' throughout this story. Everything was dictated, so it was hard to feel for the characters. I didn't see the characters in love. I didn't witness them talking to each other to demonstrate how they felt about each other. There was no evidence that Booth felt badly about giving Brennan the flu, simply statements. I didn't feel that their friends and family felt isolated and felt badly for them, I was simply told. Revealing the actions of the characters, giving dialogue, and perhaps even voicing their thoughts will flesh out the characters more, and allow the reader to feel as though they are a part of the story.

Additionally, one of the contradictions really bothered me: on line 4 you write that the disease "is now slowly killing her." But, almost immediately below on line 5 the word "rapidly" is used to discribe how her condition has deteriorated. And the story also involves her dying quickly. That discrepancy really bothered me.

I'm sorry if this comes across as cruel or overly mean. Defintely keep writing. You show potential and a drive to write, which a great beginning. Find a beta to read over stories before they're posted. They can give you valuable insight into how others view a scene, help elaborate in areas that they might enjoy or be unclear on, and catch grammatical and spelling errors. Keep writing! :D

So sad... I'm from Mexico and it's sad how many people are dying. I hope things get better...

At least they died together, but still.

I don't think swine flu is that deadly-pretty sure there's been only one fatality in the US so far and that was a young child. Also, and this is in no way a flame, it greatly increases the ease of reading the fic if you break it up into more than one paragraph. Betas are also wonderful tools for spell checks that can slip by when you are so used to your own story.

Well I hope that your vision on the swine flu is strictly for the story purpose, for what I know, and both my husband and I are sanitaries, this flu is not lethal. In my country there's one case that is going to be sent home because is healthy again.

Back to your little story I think is very sad and we don't even get a little bit of fluffyness.