Not gonna lie, I thought the first chapter was much better than this one.

The clunky sentence structure is much more common in this chapter. There were some parts where I could tell you were using repetition for the sake of humor, but then other parts ("upon noticing this Zim also noticed that he was very hungry.") I couldn't tell if you were trying to be funny or just weren't paying attention.

For a lot of this chapter I could see you were trying to derive humor from the way you explained things, and humorous execution is all well and dandy, but it didn't feel like enough actual jokes were mixed in. The other problem here is when you emphasize delivery so much things start to drag, like the parts where you explained how Zim's collar works, and with comedies it's usually good to keep things fast-paced. Speaking of pacing, it might be a good idea to split this up into two chapters, or keep two-thirds of this chapter and move a few parts to the next, as this chapter was longer than I felt it needed to be. You could also just trim a lot of the fat in this chapter and it would become a lot more manageable to read, which is what I would recommend doing.

My main issue with this chapter is that the first was much more focused, this one you kind of meandered around explaining different things and often went into more detail than you needed to.

On the positive, the characters were all still fine and true to the source material. The dirt bit was funny even if it dragged a bit and I enjoyed your take on the Tallest. I can't really tell what direction you're going to take them in, if they're relationship-like arguing is going to be played for laughs or be played for laughs AND romance. Their conversation with Tak and throwing the one guy into space were the highlights of the chapter for me.

Anyway, thanks for caving in and giving me a link to your fic. Reading this actually helped me, because almost all of the flaws I picked out in this are things I do in my own writing all the time, and now I have a better idea of what to watch out for when I write. Overall this fic was amusing even if it had a lot of issues regarding grammar and structure. I know you plan on redoing this, and if you've really improved your grammar and can tighten things up a bit you'll definitely be able to make an enjoyable story. Good luck to ya.

Anon from 4 here.

This was better than you made it out to be. The pace the story moves at is enjoyably quick and very fitting for this sort of comedy. Prioritizing what to leave out, like the actual events that led to Zim's base exploding, made the story more interesting by adding a slight mystery angle to the beginning. You've also got a good handle on the comedy, everyone felt in character, and the slight sense of snark in the narration felt very in-line with the show's cynical sense of humor.

Even the lines that would've normally felt out of place for this show due to the cursing (like "the best idea he could come up with was to throw rocks at the neighbor-humans and tell them to fuck off") were funny enough for me to not care, and you used the cursing sparingly enough for it to be funny and not obnoxious at all.

On the side of critiques you could have proofread this more as there were quite a few typos I noticed. Some of your sentence structure could also be streamlined, for example the opening bit about him pulling on his antennae was a bit verbose, and the part where Tak "brought forth a mop and what could most definitely be a bucket" would have been fine as "brought forth a mop and bucket." You also used the word "practically" in a lot of unnecessary places.

Overall you did a good job of getting from beat to beat and setting up the premise for the story in the first chapter. It was humorous and enjoyable.

WE SHALL CALL IT ZaVr!

IF YOU DONT WRITE MORE I WILL EXPLODE! WHERES CHAPTER 3 ALREADY! DX

Yay, a well written ZATR story. It's hard to find those these days, which is why I must say I love your story. Zim and Tak were in-character (something that's hard to find) and I love the humor.

As for Minimoose... eh, I guess he just exploded along with the house.

This is pretty brilliant, and I kinda sorta love this fic so far. :) If you plan on continuing, that'd be awesome. If not, at least those two chapters were entertaining.

I envy how successful you were in making Tak a total bitch.

Wee! Cruelness and the soothing thought of death! Sounds delicious.

-GCOE

You made dirt entertaining... I don't think I've ever seen that before. And I love your writing style! Its... humerously sophisticated... if that even makes sense. I shall await chapter three!

-Aneera-

this is great, please continue

I lurve your writing style. I lurve your sarcasm. I want your children.

...

I hope that wasn't weird. I just think your kids are really cute.

Great chapter

(Later studies would find that, while naturally pompous, all dirt was incredibly lazy.)XD! I lurved that line! And I must congratulate you on keeping everyone in character so well! Tak was by far the best. GREAT JOB LOVE! I hope to hear from you again soon!.

RomanticTimeTraveler

8D I LOVE THIS! When are you gonna make more chapters?

Wow. Nicely done. A bit darker than your run-of-the-mill Zim fanfic, but I like it. Its a good set-up, and I would love to see this continued.

One quick note: you mention Tak's chair is from Vort...twice. Once would have been more than enough.

Other than that, you are a great writer, and I enjoyed this.

i love the plot and the dedication. keep it up!