This is really, really good. The wording choice was spot on and the dynamics were just right. I'm glad Mal gave into his Black instead of pushing her away.

Ahh, I wish you were a true Firefly fan, and not so stuck on Bones. You have a real talent with words, even if the western dialect is a bit thick. I don't think I'm a big enough fan of Bones to real fanfic, but these few stories you've written for Firefly certainly hit a reader right in the chest. I don't know that River would necessarily speak in such a deep code all the time, especially consistently, but this story is about as close to my opinion of a perfect five star as I've ever read. Bravo!

Your writing is lovely, although I hope is some future chapters, River's voice is more coherent. (On the show, she had moments of mystical speech, and moments that were more average.)

I adore your story, but Mal couldn't possibly be 3.2 times River's age! If she were 18, he would be 57.6 years old. I know the characters aren't necessarily the actors' real ages, but that is too much of a stretch.

To the reader who wrote that he or she pictured Fillion and Glau together and was disgusted due to implication of statutory rape, when the movie was released, Fillion was 34 and Glau was 24-as River said: legal anywhere in the 'verse.

Keep up the awesome writing!

Brilliant story. I'm a huge Mal/River shipper. ;)

keep up the good work!

Just finished chapter 2, and I still love it!

10/10 for chapter 2

10/10 for chapters 1-2

-iluvacting

This is good, I've only just started, but I can't wait to read the rest.

10/10 on chapter 1

-iluvacting

I liked it. (I must be immoral?) I thought you made River make an awful lot of sense and it was good not to see Simon being a protective jerk for a change.

Good stories have things that apply to people outside the stories and I'll take insight where I can find it. I hope I remember 'comfortable black.'

blc,

I'm a huge fan of your work but this time I was a bit uncertain of how I'd feel about it. First I'm a huge Firefly fan, second I'm a big time Mal/Inara shipper - they're the Booth/Brennan of outer space IMO - so seeing a Mal/River pairing initially put me off the story. I gotta say I'm glad I let my affinity for your writing push me to read this all the way through. It was, as is everything else you write, a pleasure to read.

Things I liked,

Mal - you've got him down, period. Mal is a complex man, but at his core he's a man of honor who's dedicated himself to the 'family' he's built on Serenity. It's easy to see the problems he'd have with River's pursuit of him as her bao bay, their age and her perceived innocence being chief among them. The situation and his responses to it, the reasons he gives, the arguments he has with everyone, even his eventual acceptance of his feelings for River, are all handled in the spirit of the character as written by Joss.

River - I loved your interpretation of her. You've got this thing for being able to write strong, independent, women who are tough, complex and yet so vulnerable. You're characterizations of Brennan in the Bones' fanfics are a testament to that fact, and again here you take a character like River who, despite the back story and character development done by Joss, is still something of a blank slate and you make her more real, more understandable, for the rest of us. That was worth the story right there.

Kaylee - I loved your portrayal of Kaylee, so sweet, so direct, so in love with her Captain in the ge-ge sense as opposed to the bao bay way that River feels about him. It's easy to see Kaylee telling her Captain to just accept that River is fully grown and not just able to be loved, but wanting to be loved by him as much as he needs and wants her.

Jayne - You just know he's a softy under that gruff exterior, and in some ways he's as much a child at heart as he is a fully grown killing machine, so I didn't find his talk with Mal to be at all out of character. In fact I had more issues with the portrayal of Simon and Inara than I did with Jayne. He's a man who's very aware of the dark side of the 'verse, hell he is the dark side of the 'verse to a lot of folk, so it's not unusual for him to see that when two people need one another the way Mal and River need each other, they should just be.

Story development - I enjoyed it. I wish I could say I loved it, but I must admit that I had a few issues. First the idiosyncratic manner of Mal's and River's speech patterns took some getting used to, about two chapters worth in fact. Actually that's close to my only complaint about the story, although it's less of a complaint than an observation. It took me twice as long to get through the first few chapters since I had to keep re-reading the conversations between Mal and River to make sure I could follow along. As my old creative writing teacher used to say, "Sometimes a metaphor is illustrative, other times it's a place you pasture sheep." (To truly understand that quote you have to ask yourself 'What's a metaphor?'). In any event I'm fairly certain Malcolm Reynolds doesn't speak in so pronounced a patois, usually it peppers his speech instead of smothers it. That said, once I wrapped my head around it all I found it easy to slip into his voice in my head.

Second while I loved how River pursued him, pecking at him constantly using not only herself but the rest of the crew, I actually thought that Simon and Inara were OoC here. Simon is her ge-ge for real, and he's never going to not be overprotective of her, and Inara is, well, I just don't see her not having some feelings for Mal. Those two danced around one another so much that even after Miranda there's going to be something there, something that sticks in her caw about losing him to River even though he'd never really been hers. Of course those two aside I enjoyed how River held nothing back in her quest to get at him, even going so far as to use the crew, just giving them all that little push with her mind - that is so a River thing to do. Seriously I loved your portrayal of River - I think that's coming through right? When that girl sets her mind to something she goes at it ping ming. So much so that I was surprised you didn't actually have Mal react stronger during that scene at the table, perhaps shouting "Gou huang tang!" at when everyone was ganging up on him would have added a touch of something to it. Sometimes folks can only take too much before break, and Mal breaking like that would be more than a fist on the table and a few words.

Finally, though it is an over used and often trite plot development, the whole hurt/comfort thing, having the horse roll over him at the end, was well done and the fact that it led to his accepting her as more bao bay than mei-mei was understandable. The horse itself was almost analogous of Mal, before he could be ridden someone had to break him to the saddle. Before Mal could accept that River loved him and he, in turn, could love River, he had to be broken and healed. The course of true love is never smooth, or as they say in the 'verse "hao yun bu lai, huai yun bu jwo."

Okay, when I realized this was a Mal/River pairing, I was totally prepared to not like it. In fact, I was pretty convinced I wouldn't be able to finish it, especially when I realized reading their odd "western" language was more difficult to read than it was to hear. But you know what? i loved it! Seriously, i never in a million years would've put those two together, but you not only made it work, you made it make sense! Kudos to you!

I like the premise of this story, but Mal's narrative is difficult to navigate. He does have a low-brow way of talking sometimes, but he is still is eloquent enough to still be understandable. River too.

I'll continue reading, because I like this story, but I just wanted to comment on that.

Lovely story. Metaphors galore and it was wonderful for it.

Poor Mal, pushed almost to the breaking point.

Brilliant!

Oh poor Mal, River is gonna poor over him and wear his stony facade down to get to him. LOL

Now, onto Chapter 3!

Okay, amazing, but River didn't always speak in the third person about herself but I'm letting it go because I'm going with the premise that she's walking into unknown territory for herself and it's easier that way.

Now, onto Chapter 2.