I bawled my eyes out reading this one-shot. The depth of emotion you evoked from me by reading this was amazing.

you could so turn this into a full fledged story if you wanted to. or at least another chapter with her finding out shes pregnant and a few years later taking her kid to the doctor and somehow it manages to be darien b/c her regular doctor is out sick or something or he retired and darien is the new doctor at the practice.

sorry i know you said it was the end but you really are an amazing writer and this story could continue if you really wanted to since you had her ask if he still wanted children cuz she was pregnant but didnt tell him because he was going back to raye

you kind of left it open for you to do a sequal with that question so... please?

lol

:-) ~ :-) ~ :-) ~ :-) ~ :-)

I can't say I'm happy with Darien's decision because in the end, he is miserable because of Raye's inabilities. I'm sorry, but in a world where you only have one life to live, his decision is quite stupid. I understand that he doesn't want to be selfish, but really, life is mainly about finding those moments of happiness and treasuring it. Is he really happy by Raye's side? I'd say, absolutely not. His obligation is taking a toll on his own happiness, not only personally, but in his job. Giving into his temptation of Serena was not selfish, but rather knowing and reaching for his salvation. Just because he has known Raye his entire life doesn't mean he's obligated to stay with her through thick and thin. If Raye doesn't even want to give Darien offspring, then what is she to him other than dead weight? I mean, adopt a baby, do SOMETHING. Relationships are a give & take, and what Raye is doing is completely taking. She's not even giving him the simplicity of stating her love... I mean what in the world? It's totally just wrong... and is why I cannot agree with this storyline.

I think I find that a lot in your storylines. I've read your epic 'Absolution' and have found myself not agreeing to some of the subject matter you write. You are a very talented writer, however, I wish you could take a step back and really think about your characters and the choices they make. Think about how their decisions can be seen in different viewpoints. Think, 'How can this decision be viewed this way?' Play the devils advocate. Because I know that in the end you wanted Darien to ultimately stay with Raye, you have to make it reasonable. Even though his decision was about not giving into his temptations, you have to write to us, the reader, on how he came to that decision. You can do that in a lot of ways, such as storytelling, character development, etc. Make it so even though his decision wouldn't be agreed by everyone, we can understand why he made that decision. Honestly, when you threw in the details that he always wanted a child, he hates/loves his job because he deals with children and Raye refuses to do so, I thought this would make him start to ponder his reasoning behind staying with Raye. If he has the want that is not being fulfilled by the woman he's staying with, then he should start to think and question what exactly is making him stay with Raye. Is it out of pity or duty? Either way, they're insufficient. I'd say it's out of pity and because it's routine. And that, my friend, is the absolute worst reason. I'd say his staying with Raye makes me not like him even more than if he decided to at least question his own reasoning.

I'm not saying this all because I wanted Darien & Serena to stay together, even though I have a big bias for their togetherness. There are some times where I don't want them together because there's too much bad blood, complexities, etc. I am groovy with them not being together, that is, if the circumstances call for it. But there's a limit, I'd say. Because you're using characters from a fandom and storyline where they were essentially destined to be together (also because the characters in question are really popular), you have to make a compelling reason to split them apart. Even when you make AU stories like this, you have to be careful...

So yes, you could've done a lot to this story. I know this was intended to be a one-shot, but even one-shots have to be critiqued too (also, this is a pretty long one-shot, about 11k words... pretty much a short story).

I also have a show I wish to recommend to you... it's this korean drama called "I Really, Really Like You" and it deals with a relationship in where a man is married and has a child with a woman who suffers from schizophrenia. He forms an illicit affair with a single woman... and it raises the same question you've done in this story. It's a very good show and though he decides to stay with his disabled wife, they had done an great job in making his decision a reasonable one. So yea, heads up for you on that one.

Lol this review is getting hella long, but I like stories that question ideas behind commitment and happiness... etc..

I can somewhat relate to this story. Some reasons for cheating are more acceptable than others, but that's only when it's not happening to you. While I can empathize, I see the world as black and white. Cheating's cheating, no matter what your reasons are. I've been cheated on as well, so I know how I'd react, if it were me.

Nevertheless, this is a wonderful piece. Very moving and completely realistic. Kudos.

You're right, affairs hurt everyone involved. My husband had an affair last December, and now the girl he slept with is pregnant, while I can never become so. I spend my nights alone, wondering if what I'm doing is right. I'm depressed, angry, and alone. He says he's sorry, hadn't meant to hurt me, never meant for something like this to happen... yet it did. And now he's going to have to pay for his mistake for the rest of his life. No, he's not with her... but he's not really with me either.

This was an absolute work of art.

Thank you )

i liked it alot, it was interesting how you made raye the wife, because she was always chasing after darien in the anime. and i also liked how it had an affair type story to sailor moons characters. it gave it an awesome romantic and cliffy twist. hope to see more from you.

I thought for sure Serena was going to tell Darien that she was pregnant. I really do think you could pull it off writing about how their lives turned out after the affair was ended and still make it sound amazing. I mean, after an affair like theirs, can Darien truly just go back to Rei and not feel guilty, daily, for his actions. I would think they would tear him apart until he finally caved and told her the truth that he hadn't been faithful. And Serena's life coudn't have just stayed the same with her new album having just been released... (the pregnancy thing could be worked into that one! ;]) Please consider continuing with this plot in some way. Thanks for such a wonderful story!

Bunni

aw how sad of a story but he is a faithful man who was willing to go bak to his wife and stop all advances toward serena...i was hoping for happy ending but it still good had me reading to the very end and made me cry a lil. good job in writing it.

ah, you posted the final version here at last :D.

Reading this while already in a emotinal state wasn't a wise decison on my part: your writing is quite loaded with emotional-rising and food for thought (it's a good thing, mind you :p Lils dearest ), as a result now I'm leaking and savouring the related incoming headache, so to speak. Anyway, you've accomplished your goal with this ficlet.

Talking about sympathetic view about both cheated and cheaters , I've recently watched a Bolly movie I've greatly enjoyed and I'd recommend it to you : both for the acting and the approach to the subject. It has comedy gags, but also some beautiful, piercingly angsty moments :).And Darien's 'twin' in the movie is quite the character ;) . It's titled Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna (Never Say Goodbye) , check its summary on wikipedia .

'till next story,

Eli

Wow that was amazingly well written. I do believe you accomplished your goal when you wrote this. You're completely sympathetic to ALL characters and all their motives are explained really well. The emotions portrayed were very well done! :0)

that was sad

but i get your point

Aw! I feel bad for all three of them! Poor REi

This was an amazing story. I don't have any feelings of anger in regards to Darien. I'm sad that things ended the way they did, but its understandable. It isnt realistic when you read this type of story and Darien just leaves his wife for Serena and lives happily ever after, no guilt or anything. Great job.

you did a very good job.

i agree with your point of view, there's always a big reason of why people cheat, and to describe both feelings his and hers was very well done.

at first i didn't accept the fact that serena was the other woman, but then in the middle of the story i understood what you wrote in the end.

very nice story, i liked it very much.